Rantings of a 30 yr old

happy mother's day

2010-05-09T11:52:00.001-07:00

still no baby - had contractions this morning but now nothing ...

happy mother's day to everyone

Bridal Shower Saturday

2010-05-01T09:23:00.000-07:00

So today I am going to my first Bridal shower ever and I will not know a single person there other than the bride to be. It's at a restaurant where hopefully there will be something that I can actually eat that they serve and it's about an hour away in a town I don't think I've ever been to. Oh yeah and parking is either parallel parking or park two blocks away. Mind you I'm about oh I don't know 38 weeks pregnant lol. I'll figure it out when I get there I guess hopefully I will find a close spot and yeah.

Other than that I don't have anything planned for today. Maybe I'll do some scrapping - we shall see what the day brings.

hot

2010-04-30T16:45:00.000-07:00

right now: 7:47pm
at: home
doing: nothing

so today i get a letter that my disability was rejected like i'm lying that i'm pregnant right and i'm totally not having a baby RIGHT .... ughhh i think it's that my job sent it too early so now they have to resend all the paperwork again and who knows how long it will be before i get paid, this really really sucks

it's hot as hell outside.

a bird pooped on my shoulder yesterday - good luck my ass

one more week and this baby will be out of me - i want it to happen and i don't want it to happen. does that make sense lol, why am i even scared i don't even know. but i am. i just hope it goes smoothly.

it's friday i'm bored, hot and tired

Fantastically Slow Friday

2010-04-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

Right now: 2:07pm
At: Work
Doing: killing time before my 2:30 meeting

Tummy grumbles - you know what that means (and no I'm not talking about hunger) hahaha.

I'm so ready to go home - was finally comfortable this morning sleeping - which believe me has been harder and harder every day. Missed my alarm and my mom had to wake me up, I could have been late but for whatever reason i wasn't - I was actually just on time. I don't know how that happens I could leave the house late or early and still get here at the same damn time. It makes no sense whatsoever but anytime going home will ALWAYS take a whole hour. Go figure!

Next week is bring your kid to work day - my daughter is 3 and doesn't fall into the recommended age category - but she came last year. Makes no sense as my kid was not the one being bad. Makes you go hmmmm. It's OK it's the day before my last day before I go on leave. Only thing I'm worried about is going 4 weeks without getting paid. Thank god I have money in savings otherwise I would really be fucked. I don't like being a single income family. I wish my man made more money than I did then my life would be easier but he doesn't and it's not. Life is never easy. Ever.

Volcano in Iceland, sinkhole in Richmond California swallows empty car, Israel bans the Ipad - these are the subjects of today's news online. The pictures of the volcano are pretty cool, although I don't think I would like to be that close or close enough to get a picture as good as some of the ones I've seen - I mean people do realize it's an ERUPTING volcano yes? Idiots I tell ya. It's like a tsunami hits and you want to stand on the water to watch - like hello mcfly anyone there?

Who else noticed the back to the future reference in the last paragraph? hehe. Bored and I still have fifteen minutes before my meeting which I know is going to run late and I want to leave on time which is at 3:30. Maybe I should email my stuff now so I don't have to worry about it after the meeting. This guy is cool and all but his one second leaves me sitting in a chair in his office staring out the window while he talks on the phone for half an hour. Yeah not cool. One thing at a time buddy and that's how you get things done in a timely manner.

terrible thursday

2010-04-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

Right now: 1:55pm
At: Work
Doing: Fighting the black spots I keep seeing before I get a migraine

Do you know about Post Partum depression - that's like after you have the baby depression, do you think there is prepartum depression? Some say maybe I'm just hormonal but really I'm just tired of the bullshit. It's just been a really bad day - sad day - hard day.

Right now I'm trying to fight this headache away and be able to see through the spots.

I'm hungry - I want some real food - some fulfilling food, something yummy and decadent - any suggestions? I'm beating the hunger with a dilapidated snickers bar - what does that mean you ask well I'm eating a snickers - hold the chocolate, hold the caramel, hold the nougat ... in other words I'm eating peanuts and you know it's just not as satisfying as the real thing. You know I always eat the whole peanut first before I eat the ones that have split from their other halves and are lonely - do you know what I mean is that weird?

I officially have a headache now.

So I saw a real life Kindle today - and no I want one. Really really want one. Like my birthday is in June and I'm going to go home and ask for one haha.

TGIF

2010-04-09T07:14:00.000-07:00

Right now: 10:14am
At: Work
Doing: Trying desperately hard not to fall asleep

It's Friday - thank god finally it has come around. I'm falling asleep because still I have nothing to do. It's sad and depressing and very hard to look like you're busy even though you really aren't I mean how many times can you look at your email and at the mainframe without actually doing anything on it just looking and poking around. It's pathetic really. I wish they would just let us go home early ever since new management came on we lost all our Jewish holidays and we lost our early leaving on Fridays so technically I am working an hour overtime everyweek but getting paid the same - it really sucks. That's why I make sure to always go out during lunch because I don't want to be stuck here for an even longer time, for what I need to get out and get some air and stuff, cause this place is just too boring for words.

Everyday while I sit at work I'm bored and so I start to think of the things I want to do when I get home, so I make up a game plan - but let me tell you none of them ever come true. It's sad but true. I just can't get home and do stuff that I think about there is always other stuff that gets in the way. Usually it's the little one and her wanting to stay outside all day because it's nice out. She's too silly.

Movies I can't wait to see - SATC2, Twilight: Eclipse, Iron Man 2, Harry Potter

Books I'm looking forward to - The Unwritten Rule (as soon as I find it), Forget You, Burned (House of Night Series), and Linger.

Parties I'm looking forward to - my shower, Isabella's Birthday party, my Birthday

I need to do some crafting - I want to try my hand at a stuffie - wish me luck!

Doctors Galore

2010-04-07T06:58:00.001-07:00

Right now: 9:57am
At: work
Doing: Watching Alias on my Ipod and blogging, no work to be done

So today I have a crap load of doctor's appointments - 3 to be exact which is more than enough for me. I'm just killing time at work until I have to go. My appointments, you ask, are at 2:30, 3:00 and 4:45 sounds like fun I know. Well I supposed because of my age, weight and race I was one of the lucky ones to have Gestational Diabetes which sucks because that means I have to poke my finger four times a day (my finger hurts) and I can only eat at certain times and certain foods. All in all it sucks and I can't wait to get this over with so I can have a big bowl of Ice Cream and some Outback :-)

I miss Outback!

Back to my appointments - every week, once a week I must get an ultrasound, then I need to get a monitoring test of the baby's heart beat and kicks, and contractions if any. Then soon right now twice a week will be the reg doctor's visits. it's annoying and tedious and just another thing i have to do, only good thing is that I get to leave early from work once a week that's always a major plus.

You know the people around here really irritate the hell out of me. They will run around in circles and choose not to help when needed instead they blame it on someone else and ask that they do the work. I'm so annoyed with these people, there is no team work, there is no help you really are only out there for yourself and no one else. The world really is just dog eat dog. People are annoying. Ugh I can't stand them and then they talk about crap they don't even know what they are talking about. i think we should get rid of all supervisors and everyone be a boss themselves because the middle management is just useless. Period.

blogging

2010-04-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

I was told today that I should get back to blogging ... so I'm going to try even though I really don't think people read this really. But here goes nothing.

Right now - 2:32pm
At: Work
Doing: Nothing sad but true.

I'm officially today 35 weeks pregnant I cannot believe I only have five more weeks, and after this week is through only two more weeks of work. My last day will be April 23rd. I can't wait honestly I just want to be able to sleep it's really hard waking up at five every morning. Just an extra hour or two and I would be fine, but five really does kill me.

I met my sister in January - she's cool never realized how short she was :-) feels good to be taller than someone else for a change hehe. My older brother went to meet her as well. I still can't stand the bitch ... I'm civil but only cause I have to be. (talking about you know who not my sister duh). Nothing we can do there is an innocent child involved - whatever.

My and my significant other are still together and we're doing ok even though he is still making me cry because he is forever going out. It's really starting to piss me off (and yes I don't trust him I never trust anyone so I will always think the worse that's just the way I am like it or not), but conveniently he needs to go out every Friday and Saturday. MOFO I want to go out too who cares if I'm pregnant that doesn't mean you can't take me to a movie or dinner or something geez, we used to do things ughhh for another blog though cause I really don't feel like talking about it right now cause I will just get upset.

My baby is 3 almost 4 and the cutest thing ever but very annoying lol. She is at the stage where she cries for everything she wants - I know you know that stage we all went through it. And she is very jealous wonder how she will be when her sister arrives. Will be interesting to watch at least and tiresome. I just wish she'd pass through this whiny crying phase already cause it's annoying. Sometimes I just have to laugh at her though.

Um IDK what else to talk about really ... so I'll leave it at that with updates and nothing more will blog more tomorrow as I'm sure I will be bored at work - although I won't be here much since I'm out around 1:00 which is a beautiful thing or would be if I didn't have three doctors appointments to go to ugh whatever I can't wait for this to be over.

Julia & Julia

2009-12-11T08:03:00.000-08:00

Watching this and it just made me want to go and blog - about what I don't know. I wish I had enough inspiration for me to do a blog like that. How amazing would that be to cook your way through a whole book but honestly think about it that has to be super expensive think of all the food you would have to buy. right now i have a massive headache i'm 4.5 months pregnant and tired. ready to go home. our holiday party was yesterday - it was nice. um lemme finish watching this movie lol.

today is ...

2009-12-02T04:41:00.000-08:00

going to be one of those days. i already feel super emotional and could probably start crying at the drop of a hat. it's going to be a very very long day.

Horrible

2009-10-26T04:55:00.000-07:00

today i feel horrible, ugly, tired and just want to crawl under a rock and disappear. I went pumpkin picking yesterday. took a picture of myself and when i was downloading them onto my computer i saw the picture i took of myself and i looked horrible, i looked tired i looked just bad bad bad. now im feeling blah

it's been forever

2009-10-08T06:52:00.001-07:00

right now I'm irritated and extremely bored i have absolutely nothing to do and the only thing i really want to do is go home and go to sleep. i hate being so tired all the time it's really not fun especially when you have stuff to do at home.

blugh

2009-09-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

I'm literally falling asleep at work and the only thing i wish i had was a bed next to me, i'm so freaking tired and bored i have absolutely nothing to do at all. it's quite sad really. why are we so slow? i have no clue i just don't want to hear that it's cause of the economy anymore fuck the economy. i just dont want to lose my job cause i need it especially with a bun in the oven. anywho i'm ready to go home but i still have half an hour i've been playing games online all day practically. sad i tell ya just plain old sad.

sad

2009-07-30T06:29:00.000-07:00

Why am I attracted to the dumbest men ever, the incosiderate, the broke, the untalented, the sometimes not worthy. I don't really know, all I know is that he just doesn't thinks ometimes and sometimes makes me regret ever meeting him. i wonder how my life would be if that never happened. maybe i'd be happier than i am right now.

i want someone to want this of me

2009-07-22T12:53:00.000-07:00

picture found at http://www.abeautifulrevolution.com

sometimes

2009-07-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

do you wish you were with someone else like you see someone on the street that is super hot or something and just wish you could be with them. seriously sometimes i just want to be with someone else i dont know why i get these feelings i just do. it's not that i don't love the person i'm with cause i do, really i do, but sometimes i just want a little bit more. did i make the right choice? i'm sure i did and even if i didn't he is good to me and that's where it really matters, right.

Sleep

2009-07-15T11:35:00.001-07:00

Something i dont' get much of - and let me tell you there are days that i wonder how i make it home ... right now it's 2:34 and i'm falling asleep at my desk ... literally

job - hate

2009-07-06T06:42:00.000-07:00

I FUCKIN HATE MY JOB - WHERE DOES SOMEONE GET THE FUCKIN COJONES TO TELL THE CUSTOMER THAT I FUCKED UP? I DID WHAT I WAS TOLD TO DO IF THE TRUCKER COULDN'T MAKE IT HAPPEN IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT.
i hate my job - if i knew "his" car i would fuckin key it if i knew i wouldn't get caught.

4 more days until ...

2009-06-08T07:45:00.001-07:00

I go on my VA trip - and five days until i turn 30 which i think i did a list of things i wanted to do before then yeah i doubt i did many if any of those ahhahaha.

talking to exes ... and he's just not that into you

2009-06-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

Is it cheating if your dating someone, and you text/IM other men?

Is it wrong to talk to exes?

What am I doing - at one point the guilt felt just too much for me this weekend LOL. we had a really great weekend, i have a really great guy so why do i feel the need to go out and look for others? i have never cheated on my current bf (i've cheated on ever bf i've ever had except the very short relationships cause duh they were too short). We've been together almost four years now the only different thing about this relationship in regards to the other ones is that we have a child and we live together. And don't get me wrong, i'm totally happy with him. Sure there was a few weeks there where things were really tough with me emotionally and i was just drained completely that's when i was really contemplating wandering. i'm just not used to the same person for so long, sometimes you just want something different you know what i mean.

I know i probably wouldn't do anything with anyone but still sometimes you just wonder.

Last night I saw "he's just not that into you". And I totally get the review with women start from when they are little to believe if a man treats you bad then he likes you etc etc and ends with the same false hope thinking that you are the exception to the rule. But you know what WHO CARES, the movie was great. I loved everyone's story lines. They had a little bit of everyone or someone you know in the story. the girl who finds guys online, the married couple, the couple that have been together forever but are not married, the couple who act like one but aren't one because the girl doesn't want to settle, and of course my fav the girl who wants the fantasy and goes about it in a psycho way and the boy who uses women and in the end realizes that he loves the psycho. I LOVED THIS MOVIE!!!!!!! i don't care about reality stuff when i see a movie i see it as a movie and nothing more but i literally watched it two times yesterday and was sad to see it go in the mail this morning. i really want that movie in my collection i could watch justin long and ben affleck all day and night long. Seriously. i want the movie and i want the book and i told my bf that last night. my bday is next saturday let's see if he comes through LOL. probably not hahaha.

work

2009-05-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

if it was fun then they wouldn't call it work
i fuckin hate my job
i hate every single person here at times (except maybe two people)
they are so fucking fake fake fake
i fuckin hate my job
you piss me off on a daily basis
soon im not going to answer ur calls anymore
i want you to be assigned to someone else
you annoy and irritate me
i fuckin hate my job!!!

Surprise ... or not

2009-05-19T06:17:00.000-07:00

So my family sucks at surprises they just dont know it. my birthday is coming up and it's the big 3-0. well i'm pretty sure they are planning a party which is funny because that's what i did for my mom and now she's doing it to me. except i was better at it because she had no idea literally until we pulled up to the house. me i can hear them whispering and it's not good, my mom is a really loud person so she's bad at keeping secrets i hear her on the phone with her friend she's like hold on let me walk back here so cathy can't hear about the party WTF i just heard you say that .. LOL so i get up from my chair and close the door to my room so i literally do not hear anything else because if it's a surprise then shit i want it to be a real surprise you know. so i'm trying really really hard to ignore everyone when the issue comes up because i know they want it to be a surprise lol.

...

2009-05-14T04:40:00.001-07:00

I think I'm depressed.

Dream - MF

2009-05-05T05:34:00.000-07:00

I haven't dreamed about you in years ... literally. So I was pleasantly surprised to see you in my dreams again being a love interest and you will definitely always be the one that got away but I'm sure that happened for a reason.

I was in this house which I'm assuming was mine or which I was staying at and I went into this room looking for someone and there you were laying on the bed watching TV. So I sit on the bed and we just talked and flirted really. Touched hands that kinda thing then something happened and I had to leave to see what it was. I ran out and it almost seemed like the world was ending or something I have no clue but I went back and you were in the living room watching TV. Sitting on the couch, I went over to you and then my alarm woke me up.

So there was nothing sexually involved per say but there were thoughts of sexuality. This is a guy that if I were about to get married and had a chance for that one last fling, he would be it. Well it's between him and someone else lol. Either way it's just someone I've wanted since I was like 12. Why do people pop in to your mind at the weirdest times. I wasn't or haven't even thought about him in forever but he shows up in my dream like a reminder of something that I could have had but didn't because I was too afraid to give into it. Maybe that's why I had that dream, who knows I'm no dream expert that's for sure. But it was nice to see him there and now he's all I'm thinking about this morning, duh. Hugs and Kisses to you wherever you are even though i know you are probably only 30 mins away from me right at this moment. Maybe you're sleeping in bed (I'm sure not alone since you are never alone).

wednesday

2009-04-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

so yesterday i had two root canals and the beginning of a bridge done, on top of that i'm sick too. this morning i took four advils, 2 sudafeds and 1 amoxicillan ... what a healthy breakfast that was LOL. i'm going to post pictures later today after i upload them cause i haven't done so yet of our Easter. my daughter had a blast doing the easter egg hunt and surprise my cousin came over for the day (from Florida). It was good but i think being outside is what got me sick. great. so look for pictures later.

xoxo
cat

OMG Good Friday

2009-04-10T05:26:00.000-07:00

I'm f'n bored. seriously bored. unbelievably bored. there is no work to do no one is at work everyone is off of work and i'm stuck here sitting at my desk doing nothing when the only real thing to do is file and who the f wants to file like ever. i got enough papercuts and scratches from filing yesterday. it's annoying i wanna go home this is BULLSHIT.

Don't read if easily disgusted

2009-04-03T04:23:00.000-07:00

hahaha i share because i can ...

so i'm having the worst cramps ever, i feel like i have a waterfall between my legs and it's just plain old painful and disgusting and all i want to do i go lay down in the fetal position and cry. i haven't felt like this in soooooooo long i don't even remember the last time.

here is my theory as to why this is happening:

i have been on the pill since i had my daughter she is about to be 3. so you figure 3 years of almost non-existent very light (dark colored) periods right. so my theory is that because of the pill it builds it extra protection against the lining on the walls it kills it or whatever (this is just me i'm no doctor expert so if i'm wrong i'm wrong) this way the sperm doesn't swim up and try and attack my egg because it has all this lining that it doesn't make it there. like super spermicide attack of the killer wall lining haha. anyway so my point is that now that i'm not on the pill the wall is growing and regaining it's strength and in that it's starting to come down how it should normally completely red and heavy pieces of tissue and it's disgusting when you go to the bathroom and no i wasn't pooin or peein but you sit down and you know you feel all heavy and then plop goes the tissue in the toilet hahaha. nasty right. so now that the lining on the walls are comin down properly now his sperm can swim happily to my egg and begin to hibernate into a baby hahaha.

sorry if i grossed you out but i warned you!

( . )

2009-04-02T04:39:00.000-07:00

i haven't written in here since december, how sad is that. can you believe it's already April. I'm just super emotional and just stressed out today. I got my . that's always a plus. But more than that it's just i feel like i'm being pulled in all types of directions and all i want to do is hide under a rock. if i could find out that would be comfortable.

work - i'm doing work for this chick that is on maternity leave (i am only one person and i dont know her brand that well ppl please give me a fucking break), it's no fun doing the job of two ppl and only get paid for one. and on top of that not getting recognized for it only being told to do more do more do more. fuck i'm only human give me a break please. i'm tired...

home - i almost feel like i'm not really spending time with my daughter so i'm starting to feel guilty about that. my bf is not working right now which is fine but sometimes i wish i didn't have to do it all myself you know. and did i mention i got my . which isn't the best news but hey it's only been a month of trying so you can't expect a miracle right?

I'm just not feeling myself right now, i'm just so damn tired of all the BS that has to do with life and work mainly. i wake up in the morning and i don't want to get out of bed because i know i have to go to work. i get to work and say i dont want to get out of my car, for what. i sit at my desk and say i don't want to do this anymore. there's just something about this place that is so depressing sometimes. why can't i be a trust fund baby lol.

DREAM

2008-12-08T06:10:00.001-08:00

Omg can someone please tell me why i had this crazy ass dream.

my mother went to babysit for my brother. well my parents came back angry and even my boyfriend was acting all strange. all i could ask was what the hell had happened and my dad was cursing up a storm about how ashamed he was and so on and so forth. then my mom kept saying i just can't believe it i can't believe it. then someone finally tells me that my brother put the baby in daycare already i was like for what she doesn't work she can watch the kid there. and then something along the lines of my brother hit her to see if she was really there. i'm not sure if he hit the mother or the baby. i was just in shock i couldn't believe my brother would do such a thing he has never hit anyone. this is a new side to him i didn't know existed such anger. even my parents who have argued a lot during their time together my father has never ever ever laid a finger on her in that way before. so i dont know where he would learn such a thing, it was just all very very shocking and i had no clue where it came from. then i woke up and i still felt like it was true and i dont know why it was going through my mind in the first place something like that but it was. awkward really.

Why are you such a ...

2008-12-05T05:09:00.000-08:00

BITCH!

Is it because you don't get any from your husband? Is it because no one really likes you? Is it because you're annoying as fuck? Is it because you think you have just the slightest bit of power over us because you're just a tad bit higher than us? Is it because you have low self esteem and just want to put others down to make yourself feel better? Is it because you just are?

Irritation

2008-11-05T11:54:00.000-08:00

So i went outside with this one girl at work who starts talkin about how my supervisor doesn't like any of our other coworkers (theres 4 of us total), shes like how do u put up with her and i say oh i just try and stay on her good side. she says that she talks bad about everyone. she said she even spoke bad about me once in the bathroom to someone else, i was in awe because i didn't know she had found something bad to say about me considering i have been nothing but nice to her and i'm new so why would she complain, i work quickly and correctly. well sure enough she went to the physical side of things, great. She shouldn't be talking physically she's not that appealing i think she is a lonely person, and all i can say to her is at least my clothes fit me, at least my boyfriend loves me, and at least i have my daughter ... i can't say the same for her. she's not the most likable person that's for sure. And i will not stoop to her level and talk about her behind her back to people here because that's just so highschool. instead i'll just come here and rant ... but i'm done ... she can kiss my ass. Ugh.

It's time

2008-10-31T06:11:00.001-07:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

it's been forever and a day since i've written on this blog not that anyone really reads it anyway. So today is halloween, i'll be taking the little one out trick or treating that should be fun. she's a little witch i'll be sure to take pictures of her of course. i'm wishin they would let us out of work early today but i highly doubt it. yesterday was a really hard day at work, just too much to do with everyone mia off doing something else i get stuck doing their work, lucky me. bitches. anyway, i'm ready to go home.

i told him ...

2008-09-27T17:59:00.001-07:00

sorta ... jokingly but i finally said it but now i can't seem to stop my taking the pill so then it could take effect ... and amy hahah i'm not crazy and he does know so it's ok. i just got to have the nerve to stop taking the pill and then we can get the ball rolling again so to speak hahah it's hot today maybe i'll try if i can get the nerve to do it.

I'VE DECIDED

2008-09-25T10:15:00.001-07:00

it's time ... to have another baby

.

2008-09-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

I'm like on the verge of tears I swear. I don't know what it is but it must be a build up of a lot of things. I am busy at work today but I needed to breathe just for a minute or two. My boss is irritating the hell out of me. I'm doing work for my other person and my boss keeps coming to me telling me this and that and that and i'm like ok ok ok. i fucked up a couple orders and had to redo them, no problem but it's like ughh he talks to one person and i talk to another person and this one tells me this and this one tells me that like wtf am i supposed to do i do what people tell me and that's it ... i'm just frustrated i'm on my . and i have cramps and i'm ready to cry so it's almost time for lunch. thank god.

i feel slightly better now minus the cramps.

Vampires and Warewolves?

2008-09-16T04:35:00.000-07:00

I'm addicted ... what you may ask am I talking about. The books from the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. I'm in love with Bella and Edward. I'm on the third book of the series already. Mind you I just started reading last week ha ha. It's like I can't put it down they are just too good. I know they are young adult books and I should probably be reading something meaningful or important like about the presidential candidates or Gandhi or something, but I just can't help myself. I love young adult books and they have been talked about so much by people on the radio and people around me that I just had to check it out for myself even though I haven't picked up a book in who knows how many years. And of course now I can't seem to put them down. I'm sure I will probably be rereading them after I finish the first round. There are four books. I'm almost there. I'm just so attached to the characters and it excites me when something happens. I just love it and I didn't realize just how much I missed reading. Getting lost in it all, I always put my all into it.

9/11

2008-09-11T11:09:00.000-07:00

I try not to think about it too much. It literally happened right across the river from me. I was at school still sleeping when someone came in and told me and sure enough I didn't believe it. That is until I turned the TV on and people came running in telling me they could see it from the parking deck across the street. Tragedy. They were talking about it on the radio and I couldn't believe that even still after 7 years I started crying like a baby. All the pictures flooding back into my head. Then I come to work and two of the ladies are like it's enough already, give it a break. It's been so long let it go. Like hello that was a serious serious thing that happened during our lifetime. Something I hope to never experience again of course. But it's something I will never forget even when I look at the clock and it just happens to be 9:11 I always think about it. When you see trucks passing by with memorials on them. It's just a way of life now. It will always be at the back of our minds even more so for us over here on the east coast across the river in New Jersey where everyone could witness it firsthand without the dangers. Knowing people who could have/might have been/would have been there at that moment and what could have/did/might have happened to them. It's just a hard realization of reality that I don't wish on anyone. All my prayers go out to everyone who's lives were touched by this travesty. (and to the ladies at work who don't read this anyway .. it's OK to say every one's name every fucking year if they want to. I bet if it was your family you would only want the same thing, remembrance. That's all they are looking for. Shame on you for thinking people should get over it. People are still not and will not ever be over it. Ever.)

Waiting ...

2008-09-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

I hate waiting up for Kirk to come home, cause in the morning I always regret it. But that's the only time I see him during the week. I think I get an average of 4 maybe 5 hours of sleep a day. Maybe a little more on the weekend but not that much. I'm constantly tired. Always falling asleep at my desk or worse while I'm driving. It's just not a good thing. I think tonight (I say this to myself every day mind you) I will go to sleep early and get enough rest. Right now I'm beyond tired and just want to go to my bed grab my covers and wrap myself all warm and cozy and sleep. Just sleep.

Boredom

2008-09-08T06:02:00.001-07:00

I'm dying someone please come save me...
I can't keep my eyes open it's really really really hard

I don't hate him

2008-09-03T16:31:00.000-07:00

LOL, you know I really do rant a lot here but that's what this blog is for so of course you hear all the bad stuff but never any of the good stuff. Saturday I was really upset not because of him (even though he had a bit to do with it since he wasn't watching Isabella) I was mad because I had to work from like 10-10pm it was just too much and i was frustrated and just really wanted to finish the work and get it done and over with. It was to the point that I even told my ex coworker that she has to give me a break for a while because she always seems to pick holiday weekends when I should be spending time with my family and not time doing the work that she should be doing. Anyways the next day me and Kirk went out ALONE. Which is something we haven't done in a very very very long time. No one offers to babysit anymore (she's at the terrible two stage) so it's hard and we just get added stress over and over again with no break. We take breaks but never together, but on Sunday we went out together. We went to the beach, saw a few mins of the movie playing on the beach and we had a couple drinks, then walked around and tried to win games in the arcade. it was fun, we were happy, and everything was perfect. we had a great time.

thats the proof LOL. it was fun we had a good time. I can't wait to do it again but I dont want to abuse and make other people watch her you know. the next time we are spending time together alone is when he goes and gets the surgery on his eye. which is on the 19th. I'm hoping someone will let me borrow "Twilight" so I have something to do while I wait to hear his surgery went well.

2008-08-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

SO IT'S SATURDAY AND LABOR DAY WEEKEND RIGHT AND WHAT AM I DOING TRYING TO FINISH SOME WORK THAT IS DUE ON MONDAY WHILE AT THE SAME TIME WATCHING MY LOVEY TERRIBLE TWO YEAR OLD. OH WHAT IS HER FATHER DOING YOU ASK ... PLAYING WITH HIS FUCKING CAR!!!!!!!! FUCKING SELFISH MOTHER FUCKER. HE EVEN WENT OUT LAST NIGHT AND GOT HOME AT 430 IN THE MORNING .. LIFE IS NOT FAIR. I WISH I HAD A DICK THEN MAYBE IF I HAD A DICK I COULD BE ONE SELFISH MOTHERFUCKER WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING AND JUST DOES WHAT HE WANTS TO DO. CAUSE THAT IS WHAT HAVING A DICK GIVES YOU. THE CONFIDENCE TO BE A SELFISH PRICK. LITERALLY.

I'M JUST REALLY ANGRY RIGHT NOW .... I'M TRYING TO WORK TO BRING EXTRA MONEY IN AND HE'S FUCKIN PLAYING WITH HIS CAR. BUT GOD FORBID THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY CAR HE WONT EVEN TAKE IT TO THE DEALER FOR ME. UGHHHH I NEED A PERMANENT VACATION FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENT. I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE I'M GOING TO STAB SOMEONE I SWEAR. i'M NOT TOO FAR FROM TAKING CLOTHES STICKING IT IN A GARBAGE BAG AND THROWING THEM OUTSIDE. LIFE IS NOT FAIR. AND IT'S EVEN LESS FAIR WHEN YOUR A MOTHER BECAUSE YOU NO LONGER HAVE A LIFE, IDENTITY OR TIME ALONE. NEVER

I heart Technology

2008-08-27T09:34:00.001-07:00

You know it just hit me what a wonderful thing technology is. When you can sit here and pour your brain out into the world and everyone and anyone can read it, whenever they want and they can comment on it. It's just a beautiful thing the way we can communicate nowadays. I mean just think back in the day before telephone, having to get on a horse and send a note sealed in wax. That stuff just doesn't happen anymore, well at least not here it doesn't. How cool would it be to receive a letter that is hand written, on hand made paper that is sealed in wax holding the family's crest on it hahaha. That would be completely weird but totally cool. Family crests, do people actually still have those (other than tho socialites of the world)

Randomness, every time I type something my mind goes off on a complete tangent. For example socialite made me think of Gossip Girl, which then made me think of uniforms, which then made me think of mailman, which then bought me back to my original talk about how we communicate.

Any who, I have no clue what the hell I'm blabbing about I just know that I'm blabbing and you're loving it cause you're reading it and that is how I completed my task for the day! I have no clue .... period.

i wish

2008-08-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

i wish ...

i had someone to come and organize for me cause i suck at it
i had a bigger room that would hold all my stuff
i had more money so i could get the bigger room and more shelving
i had more time to myself
i could have everything i wanted
i was rich

can you tell i'm trying to clean and disastrously unsuceeding at it. i need my own place my room is a disaster and i can't stand it. i try and clean but i just can't do it all by myself and i know that most of the mess is mine because i have too much stuff. its just hard sometimes and right now i wish i could go shopping for some retail therapy but i have no money whatsoever so that's def not going to happen.

today

2008-08-08T09:14:00.000-07:00

is slow. ... .... .... very very very very very slow.

This weekend is my aunt's surprise bday party. My brother is going to show up with my cousin and their new baby ... it's a family event. Should be entertaining to say the least. Watch everyone act like nothing has changed, as if nothing is out of the ordinary. But then once they leave the premises the talk will begin. And the chatter about how dare they show their faces blah blah blah blah.... typical. I'm so over it on so many levels. Like whatever. I'm done with it.

I've been over sleeping a lot in the morning this week. Almost every day. Sad I know but I'm tried.

We leave for Mexico in two weeks and I can't wait. I hope I have a blast! I just found out that Kirk has a lot of days I'm contemplating taking off on Sept 29th cause we have the 30th and the 1st off .. that's five days right there including the weekend that I can take a trip somewhere. Hm where should we go. Obviously it has to be somewhere we can drive to cause plane tickets are just too much right now especially since Isabella needs to pay full price.

Maybe I'll go explore Canada ... anyone?

Kickin it Old Skool

2008-07-31T05:21:00.001-07:00

So I've been getting new music for my Ipod and I'm in a serious old school feel, no not like 80's or whatever but what I grew up with, the 80's-90's. Mostly 90's. A little Biggie, TLC, SWV, Aaron Hall, Cranberries, Goo Goo Dolls, etc etc. I'm in music heaven right now listening to my ipod at work, trying to cure that boredom of just sitting here doing nothing while I start to fall asleep. So far so good. I'm tempted to break out in song right now lol. Like you know those tv shows or whatever that just break out into song and everyone gets into step and does the same moves. Like our lives are a choreographed musical in the making. Could you imagine lol. What would you do if you're just sitting there and one day someone just breaks out into song. I'd be like what's wrong with that person. Music makes people happy. It makes me happy. So in conclusion music = happy = me!

Eyes Half Mooned

2008-07-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

I can't keep them open
half moons limitless visions
8 hours is a lifetime distance away
something so simple, so small, so necessary
in the distance beyond the light,
one day, one day, one day.

dreams of tsunami's at the beach
dreams of the little one splashing water
dreams of monsters and demons
dreams of never ending stories
my night consists of sleeplessness

8 hours seems a lifetime away
one day, one day, one day.
i sit here not alone, but in solitude
looking at this screen filled with mega pixels
they grow heavier by the second,
unable to open afraid of the visions

one day, one day, one day
my head will rest on that pillow,
complete silence will encompass my body
the depths of the darkness has arrived
because one day, one day i know
i will get those eight hours of sleep.

Odd News LOL

2008-07-22T05:54:00.000-07:00

Mexico captures submarine loaded with drugs Reuters - Thu Jul 17, 1:16 PM ET
MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Mexican troops seized a small submarine smuggling drugs in the Pacific Ocean on Wednesday, the military said.

Man claims Subway baked knife into sandwich Reuters - Thu Jul 17, 1:08 PM ET
NEW YORK (Reuters) - A New York man claimed in a lawsuit filed on Wednesday that he found a knife with a 7-inch (18-cm) blade baked into the bread of his foot-long "Cold Cut Trio" Subway sandwich.

Man blows up apartment spraying for bugs Reuters - Mon Jul 21, 1:27 PM ET
NEW YORK, July 21 (Reuters) - A New Jersey man trying to exterminate insects in his apartment blew it up instead, the New York Daily News reported on Monday.

Loud music makes customers drink faster Reuters - Fri Jul 18, 8:30 PM ET
LONDON (Reuters) - Customers of bars that play loud music drink more quickly and in fewer gulps, French researchers said on Friday.

It's the law: No sagging pants in Chicago suburb AP - Sun Jul 20, 2:06 PM ET
LYNWOOD, Ill. - Be careful if you have saggy pants in the south Chicago suburb of Lynwood. Village leaders have passed an ordinance that would levy $25 fines against anyone showing three inches or more of their underwear in public.

Fish pedicures: Carp rid human feet of scaly skin AP - Mon Jul 21, 8:30 PM ET
ALEXANDRIA, Va. - Ready for the latest in spa pampering? Prepare to dunk your tootsies in a tank of water and let tiny carp nibble away.

Men sentenced for setting friend's crotch ablaze AP - Mon Jul 21, 8:30 PM ET
SAN LUIS OBISPO, Calif. - Two practical jokers are behind bars for setting their passed-out drinking buddy's crotch ablaze while boozing in Grover Beach. Matthew Craig Pillers and Jack Brent Nicholas Keiffer pleaded no contest to a felony great bodily injury charge.

RIP Canon PowerShot 7/21/08

2008-07-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

So my lovely camera that I hearted so much is never to be anymore. My warranty doesn't cover physical damage and apparently my lovely and beautiful daughter had it while I was at work and I assume decided to drop it on the floor and the camera lens is now tilted and therefore will not work. Thanks to my much endearing boyfriend for NOT watching her while she had the camera in her hands .... thanks so very very very much. So either I pay almost 300 for them to fix it or I just give up and let it go. Even though I don't want to let it go. I really liked that camera and yes I do have a new Nikkon CoolPix camera but it's just not the same as my Canon Powershot. It's just not the same ... I'm literally sad about my camera. I'm hoping to get it back and have my BF look at it and hopefully he can take it apart and fix it somehow. Cross your fingers please. If not then I will really have to let it go. :-(

That person's mom is coming today to help take care of the baby. I love it that her father wants nothing to do with it that he's as mad as all of us are. But still my mother is making me go to the hospital. I would rather just go to the house or something. This is really not something I'm looking forward too AT ALL!!!! The bitch should have had an abortion the second she found out. Especially if she fucking lied and said her tubes were tied and her youngest kid is 10 and I think she's still married. I feel sorry for my brother. He's stuck forever. He's not even father material he's more like throw some money at it and it's done you know. We shall see what happens ... even though I don't want to.

2008-07-17T06:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's really hard to stay away here they tell me come September it gets really busy .. cross fingers cause I'm bored out of my mind here. Today my text buddy is out of the loop he had to go to his girlfriend's uncle's funeral. So I'm bored here alone with nothing to do. And no one to talk to .. it's sad really I'm just hoping for some work cause otherwise I'll be sleeping and I don't want to do that either. Cause I know one day someone will catch me with my eyes closed and that will be the end of it. Anywho... someone pick a topic any topic and i will talk about it cause i'm just that bored.

Dreams

2008-07-15T04:29:00.000-07:00

This morning I was having a dream that we lived in a town close to the beach and sure enough a tidal wave (tsunami whatever) was coming our way. We were running through the streets trying to get to higher ground. Isabella was there. We were hiding in this one building and there were other people there and there was a monster (demon). He was looking for someone specific not to kill or anything like that but to take back with him. He passed me by and then I got scared that he wanted Isabella I tried to get to her in time but I couldn't for some reason. Finally she snuck around and came to me. Then in one part of the dream we were at Taco Bell. (I don't know I haven't been there in years literally) I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat. It was just strange dream all around. but after the monster and Isabella I woke up to her running into my room saying scared scared. Hmmm makes you wonder.

Dreams are a wondrous thing ... why do we have them and why are they so strange usually. Who knows?

Right now I'm exhausted I went to bed around 1 and was woken up at 5 ... I really need to start going to sleep early this is getting to be too much for me. I'm practically falling asleep at the wheel. Not safe at all.

Weird News -
Doctors pull screws, nails from metal-eating man - Fri Jul 11, 12:27 PM ET
LIMA (Reuters) - Doctors in a coastal town in northwestern Peru have rescued the innards of a 38-year-old man by removing 17 metal objects -- among them nails, a watch clasp and a knife -- that he ate. (you know wasn't there an episode of House like that or maybe it was that real life ER show lol where some kid was eating metal balls, I think it was House.)

Ravers lose sight at Russian laser show Reuters - Mon Jul 14, 4:27 PM ET
MOSCOW (Reuters) - Dozens of partygoers at an outdoor rave near Moscow last week have lost partial vision after a laser light show burned their retinas, Russian health officials said on Monday. (HAHAHA damn ravers, do people still do that lol)

Depressed

2008-07-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I find out that my dtm brother and that biznotch dtm cousin of mine are expecting and that supposedly she's going to get a c-section on the 24th of this month and that it's a girl and that the name they have picked out is adrianna. where the fuck they got that name i don't know either way i'm unbelievably depressed about this news (which btw wasn't told to us by either one of them but by a third party who told my father who then informed us, apparently my father has known for a while and assumed we knew which we didn't). I don't think i could accept this. I really really don't. Do I really want a niece who is also technically my cousin. This is some serious Jerry Springer shit that I don't want to deal with. What's he going to do show up one day with a baby ... he's not even affectionate like father material. He's the type of person who shows no emotion who is all about oh i'll give u the money to be happy kind of thing u know. I mean when I had Isabella he was very stand offish about it. Looked extremely uncomfortable holding her etc etc. Ughh I can't believe this is happening ... it doesn't exist it isn't happening this isn't real this isn't my family. they don't exist!

UPDATE.........
It's all true he confirmed it 7/15/08. She is indeed pregnant and having a girl and her name will be Adrianna ... and supposedly her two kids (i think she's still married btw) are jealous. The older boy doesn't want anything to do with the upcoming baby and the younger girl is ok with it but still jealous. I think it's just that they know it's wrong, that they know mom is still married to dad and that mom is dating her cousin and are now about to have a baby which will make it what their sister/cousin. This is some Jerry Springer shit.

More stupid news

2008-07-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

DALLAS - Police didn't have to go far to find $400,000 worth of cocaine — it was in an undercover car they'd been driving for two months. (I MEAN DID THEY NOT KNOW IT WAS IN THERE ... IDIOTS)

FORREST CITY, Ark. - Forrest City police weren't able to catch their man after a high-speed chase through town, but the cell phone he left behind gave away his identity.

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A Nevada brothel is trying to stimulate business by offering free gasoline.

---------------

I'm falling asleep here I hate this seriously even if I'm busy I'm falling asleep. Kirk's new hours are killing me. coming home at 12:30ish in the morning and then he wants to talk about the day what we need to do etc etc. Mind you I wake up at 5 ...

---------------

Headache ...

2008-07-09T04:19:00.000-07:00

head·ache –noun
1. a pain located in the head, as over the eyes, at the temples, or at the base of the skull.
2. an annoying or bothersome person, situation, activity, etc.

I have both of those ... nice right. It's only 7:25 in the morning! You know what I love most about mornings ... oh that's easy c'mon I know you can answer that - NOTHING!!! I wish I was sleeping

I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a '64 Impala

Now why the hell does he want a rabbit in a hat and a bat LOL. Any who I've been into back in da day music lately. You know old skool one hit wonders like Skee-Lo with "I Wish". I don't know why I'm trying to reminisce a time that wasn't even that great but in my eyes it was great at that time. Maybe I'm just trying to be a kid again running around and chasing after boys, who knows. It's just fun i guess. I talk to these kids these days and it's just crazy how they are trying to be so grown up, and yes we've all done it at one point and time but most of us it was all talk. I don't remember being 13 and having a friend who was pregnant ... do you? They grow up too fast, is it the parents fault? Is it their friends fault? (I won't be cliche and blame it on TV and music cause that's just wrong) Is it just the kids fault? Obviously they didn't know any better but still. 13 and pregnant. When you hear that 17 girls make a pact to get pregnant just because they want to raise their kids together ... then you know there is something wrong with our youth, especially if one has to go so far as to sleep with a homeless man to complete the pact. It's just wrong. I mean I'm 29 and I can barely handle my kid (nah she's good but she has her moments and I lose my patience), so could you imagine someone at 13. I don't know what do you think?

Stupid People News in case you don't read it here's some funny stuff:
*HARTFORD, Conn. - An East Hartford man called police to report he had been robbed while trying to buy crack cocaine. (CAN WE SAY SPECIAL)
*WAUKESHA, Wis. - A Wisconsin man who posted a video online showing him and his father shocking each other with a stolen stun gun has been sent to prison.
*BALTIMORE - FedEx prides itself on reliability. But a mistaken delivery tipped off police to a 200-pound shipment of marijuana that someone tried to send from Pembroke Pines, Florida to Baltimore via the shipping company.
*WAUKESHA, Wis. - A 52-year-old Milwaukee-area man has been accused of faking heart attacks to avoid paying restaurant bills and cab fares. (THAT'S JUST WRONG)

hush

2008-07-08T07:26:00.000-07:00

So I'm falling asleep at work again .. shocker. This morning my alarm went off and I must have hit off cause then next thing I know I'm waking up at six o'clock. Mind you that's usually the time I leave so thank god I made my lunch last night or I would have nothing. But regardless even getting gas I still got here on time and now I'm definitely falling asleep without a doubt of pure boredom. Anyone want to help with that?

Manic Monday ... Wish it was Sunday

2008-06-30T10:25:00.001-07:00

Remember that song, I do, I think I sing it every Monday, cause I never want the weekend to end. Why do weekends have to end, why are Mondays so boring and so long and so dragging, I hate it. Ughhh blahhhh. I hate Mondays.

Pointless

2008-06-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

You know you have nothing to say when you sit here for five minutes wondering what the hell you're going to talk about and then you decide you're going to talk about the fact that you have nothing to say ... ha ha.

Cough Cough Grrr Grrr

2008-06-27T08:09:00.000-07:00

There's something in my throat and my stomach is empty ... lately my daily food intake has consisted of dinner ... if I'm lucky. How sad is that. It really sucks to be broke. Literally. I think today I might treat myself to some lunch, I wonder does quizno's take credit? LOL or should I say debit?

Why NOT ... because I can

2008-06-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

A brief description of my coworkers if you will, just because I can ...

Boss Lady - I really hate her laugh, seriously. It's annoying and she's always bad mouthing people and it feels like she is really moody sometimes. sometimes she will be nice other times she will be so rude to you and talk to you like you're a child, like wtf did i do to you. And man does she love to gossip seriously she thinks no one can do their job so they should all be fired. she's not technically my boss, but she's the head of the sales assistants and that includes me as well but my boss will always be my boss ... which leads me to

my boss - loves to repeat everything fifty times, doesn't think i have a brain i swear, i wish he only knew. Really annoying, only good thing about him is that when he's here he gives me work and i can stop being bored and just sitting here twiddling my thumbs.

bad haircut man - talks a hell of a lot, he is in an office diagonal from me, I'm assuming he's like marketing or purchasing something like that. Anyway I think this man can seriously talk his way through anything it's ridiculous and people just sit there and eat it up. I would be like in my head please just shut the fuck up already seriously.

No tooth crazy lady - she's actually really cool and down to earth but super ghetto in a scrapper kind of way. she will pick a fight with anyone over the dumbest things, and totally plays the race card to get what she wants when she can (she's white mind you but I'm sure she's from the ghetto area lol). She's the type of person who will pick a fight with someone at a register and probably get them fired. That's just embarrassing.

the new e - she's cool, reminds me of my old friend e but I'm still too much of a closed person right now to let anyone in and be friends with them. i don't want to be like her, cause i like me but i wouldn't mind hanging out with her outside of work but I'm too chicken shit to be like hey do you want to be my friend LOL...

Church man - seriously his vacation was a church retreat or whatever it was, like who does that. He's so weird, and always talks about what is right and what is wrong, like dude get over yourself I'm sure in your lifetime you have sinned here or there, i know it cause no one is 100% pure.

quiet lady - no she's not as quiet as me cause i sit here not saying much all day really but she's crazy lady's friend and that's the person she talks to the most. she's weird very stiff. like semi church but wanna be bad cause she is friends with crazy lady and tries to be all diff for her, I'm probably confusing all of you ahah.

jingle bells - there's this lady here she's probably in late forty's early 50's if she's younger my bizad hahahah. she wears fucking bells on her stilettos seriously why what the hell. she dresses with super tight close totally Italian wanna be mafiasque's wife kinda thing she got going on. Like she could totally be tony sopranos gumah LOL however you spell that shit lol.

Cookie Cuter man doll - his name is the same name as the doll, all he needs is his barbie... he's young and semi balding, but not half bad looking, totally looks like a preppy ken doll with a stick up his ass to hold him up. Literally.

Burps-a-lot - seriously we are in cubicles and on the other side of my cubicle is the only male sales admin and all he does all day is pass gas (thank god it's not farting) and seriously sometimes he makes me throw up a little in my mouth and it's just disgusting. Really really disturbing.

If I remember any other I will let you know but for now that's all I can think of but these people are my coworkers whether I like it or not, these are their nicknames I have for them, don't you love it?

2008-06-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

I'm falling asleep literally. I woke up five minutes before I was supposed to leave the house this morning. Bad right, So i quickly put something on and left the house. And now I'm bored at work with nothing to do and i'm falling asleep. I'm ready to hit the bed and take a nappy nap maybe i'll go do that during lunch go take a nap in my car or something. Just relax and whatever and I've got about 40 minutes till lunch time.

Slow Moving

2008-06-09T05:36:00.000-07:00

OK so I've been at this job for four weeks now and I still feel like I do absolutely nothing half the time. Maybe it's just because it's the slow season or whatever but I'm freaking bored. I'm desperately trying to find things to pass the time so I don't conk my head on the table because I fell asleep of the major boredom I'm feeling. It's just bad really really bad. I often wonder what it is that everyone else is doing that makes them all seem so busy like share the work I need something to do too you know. Maybe there just isn't enough to go around then I'm just wondering why it is they need me to begin with. I mean I don't even have shit filing to do LOL. And no one ever wants to do filing, but I already did it and am now up to date on all the filing so my life at work right now is boring. Dun huh. I miss watching TV and movies and listening to good music. I need to get a cheap clock radio so I have something to do cause wow is all i can say about my boredom.

The Top Ten Most Unexplained Phenomenon

2008-06-05T05:16:00.000-07:00

The Taos Hum
Some residents and visitors in the small city of Taos, New Mexico, have for years been annoyed and puzzled by a mysterious and faint low-frequency hum in the desert air. Oddly, only about 2 percent of Taos residents report hearing the sound. Some believe it is caused by unusual acoustics; others suspect mass hysteria or some secret, sinister purpose. Whether described as a whir, a hum, or buzz and whether psychological, natural, or supernatural no one has yet been able to locate the sound's origin.

Bigfoot
For decades, large, hairy, manlike beasts called Bigfoot have occasionally been reported by eyewitnesses across America. Despite the thousands of Bigfoot that must exist for a breeding population, not a single body has been found. Not one has been killed by a hunter, struck dead by a speeding car, or even died of natural causes. In the absence of hard evidence like teeth or bones, support comes down to eyewitness sightings and ambiguous photos and films. Since it is logically impossible to prove a universal negative, science will never be able to prove that creatures like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster do not exist, and it is possible that these mysterious beasts lurk far from prying eyes.

Intuition
Whether we call it gut feelings, a 'sixth sense,' or something else, we have all experienced intuition at one time or another. Of course, gut feelings are often wrong (how many times during aircraft turbulence have you been sure your plane was going down?), but they do seem to be right much of the time. Psychologists note that people subconsciously pick up information about the world around us, leading us to seemingly sense or know information without knowing exactly how or why we know it. But cases of intuition are difficult to prove or study, and psychology may only be part of the answer.

Mysterious Disappearances
People disappear for various reasons. Most are runaways, some succumb to accident, a few are abducted or killed, but most are eventually found. Not so with the truly mysterious disappearances. From the crew of the Marie Celeste to Jimmy Hoffa, Amelia Earhart, and Natalee Holloway, some people seem to have vanished without a trace. When missing persons are found, it is always through police work, confession, or accident never by 'psychic detectives'). But when the evidence is lacking and leads are lost, even police and forensic science can't always solve the crime.

Ghosts
From the Shakespeare play "MacBeth" to the NBC show "Medium," spirits of the dead have long made an appearance in our culture and folklore. Many people have reported seeing apparitions of both shadowy strangers and departed loved ones. Though definitive proof for the existence of ghosts remains elusive, sincere eyewitnesses continue to report seeing, photographing, and even communicating with ghosts. Ghost investigators hope to one day prove that the dead can contact the living, providing a final answer to the mystery.

Deja vu
Deja vu is a French phrase meaning 'already seen,' referring to the distinct, puzzling, and mysterious feeling of having experienced a specific set of circumstances before. A woman might walk into a building, for example, in a foreign country she'd never visited, and sense that the setting is eerily and intimately familiar. Some attribute deja vu to psychic experiences or unbidden glimpses of previous lives. As with intuition (see #3), research into ,human psychology can offer more naturalistic explanations, but ultimately the cause and nature of the phenomenon itself remains a mystery.

UFOs
There is no doubt that UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects) exist - many people see things in the skies that they cannot identify, ranging from aircraft to meteors. Whether or not any of those objects and lights are alien spacecraft is another matter entirely; given the fantastic distances and effort involved in just getting to Earth from across the universe, such a scenario seems unlikely. Still, while careful investigation has revealed known causes for most sighting reports, some UFO incidents will always remain unexplained.

Near-Death Experiences and Life After Death
People who were once near death have sometimes reported various mystical experiences (such as going into a tunnel and emerging in a light, being reunited with loved ones, a sense of peace, etc.) that may suggest an existence beyond the grave. While such experiences are profound, no one has returned with proof or verifiable information from "beyond the grave." Skeptics suggest that the experiences are explainable as natural and predictable hallucinations of a traumatized brain, yet there is no way to know with certainty what causes near-death experiences, or if they truly are visions of "the other side."

Psychic powers and ESP
Psychic powers and extra-sensory perception (ESP) rank among the top ten unexplained phenomena if for no other reason than that belief in them is so widespread. Many people believe that intuition (see #3) is a form of psychic power, a way of accessing arcane or special knowledge about the world or the future. Researchers have tested people who claim to have psychic powers, though the results under controlled scientific conditions have so far been negative or ambiguous. Some have argued that psychic powers cannot be tested, or for some reason diminish in the presence of skeptics or scientists. If this is true, science will never be able to prove or disprove the existence of psychic powers.

The Body/Mind Connection
Medical science is only beginning to understand the ways in which the mind influences the body. The placebo effect, for example, demonstrates that people can at times cause a relief in medical symptoms or suffering by believing the cures to be effective - whether they actually are or not. Using processes only poorly understood, the body's ability to heal itself is far more amazing than anything modern medicine could create.

revelations ...

2008-06-04T06:53:00.000-07:00

rev·e·la·tion - [rev-uh-ley-shuhn] –noun 1. the act of revealing or disclosing; disclosure. 2. something revealed or disclosed, esp. a striking disclosure, as of something not before realized.

This is what I had today, a revelation. Someone told me (I know that someone doesn't read my blog so I feel comfortable sharing this with everyone) today that when I liked them they too had liked me at one point in time to the point of daydreaming of kisses as I did many years ago. The thought of him actually thinking of me like that sent the butterfly nervousness goodness through my body like I felt special. I literally had no absolute idea that he ever thought of me in this manner because I was majorly crushing on him many years ago but he said I was like a sister to him so I backed away (not to mention he's my brother's BFF). So now we text everyday, we're both taken so nothing is going to happen but oh the revelations were flying yesterday. It's just something fun to do .. it's def not cheating though cause we are not doing anything just talking.

new job ranting

2008-05-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

- it sucks to have a new job because you don't know anyone and on top of not knowing anyone you don't know what the hell to do. That is unless you've been in the business for a couple years and you have a relative idea of what to do but then what sucks is the new people who hired you almost think of you as not knowing shit because you haven't worked for them before and therefore the beginning days are super slow. but it's been (this is my third week) a while now i mean get me out there and doing things already i'm fucking bored sitting here pretending to do something so i dont look like a retard twidling my thumbs. I just want a little trust and let me try and do things other than sittin on my ass gettin paid to do nothing which would be fine if it wasn't so quiet (no music) if i could openly and freely look online (internet policy) or if i had someone to talk to all damn day. but nope none of those things i'm secretly going online trying to hide it as best as i could but my CUBICLE is in a bad spot too many freaking eyes

Another dream

2008-05-27T08:52:00.000-07:00

So last night I had another dream about you and your sister. I don’t know what it is or why you are in my subconscious but obviously you’re hitting it hard. OMG and one of the guys from Gossip Girl was in my dream too. I don’t know what’s going on with that mind of mine. So I was in school running through the hallways apparently hiding from something or someone and I would go into random classrooms and pretend I was in it and the teachers wouldn’t even notice. Then one time I finally got out of the building with whatever I was taking in my hands and I ran into Chuck Bass (from Gossip Girl) and he carefully took what was in my hands went up to the front door because it had whipped open at that moment but I couldn’t see who had came out but Chuck had spoken to whoever it was and he got to keep the stuff in his hands he came back to the car and gave it back to me and said to be careful and something else in a deep sultry sexy kind of voice ha ha. Whatever he did made me think of him the rest of the dream. So I finally get home and my friend and her brother are visiting. (again another dream with them in it). We were doing something partying or drinking and just hanging out for old times sakes and I don’t remember if anything happened after that. But it left me wanting more of her brother whatever it was. Strange I know. I’m not even thinking about these people and they keep dropping in on my dreams. I’m going to have to whip out the dream dictionary online lol.

bathroom?

2008-05-22T06:52:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that I was in Santo Domingo (Dominican Republic and Kirk was there and Erik and I think even my cousin Mabel was there. But the kicker was so was my ex boyfriend Jose who lives there now. That’s who was there now this is what was happening. We were at the airport me, Erik, Mabel and Kirk waiting for a flight to take us somewhere else in DR. (Strange I know it was a strange airport too). I had left to go visit Jose. (the dream is in several parts from what I remember) I was at his house looking for him and finally found him in a back room somewhere almost hiding like lol and said oh I didn’t think I was going to find you here but I did. So he was going to take all of us out to dinner or something in a different place I think that’s why we went to the airport and were all waiting. I had to go to the bathroom and there was this weird bathrooms with two toilets (and no it wasn’t a bode it was literally two toilets in one stall I guess we had to share or something). Any who I kept trying to go and I just couldn’t for the life of me but I had to go so bad I could feel it but nothing was coming out so I left. Next thing you know I’m on a motorcycle trying to follow José to wherever it is he’s taking us. And a policeman stops me and I’m like huh. I’m lost can you help me. We exchanged something I don’t even know what and he let me go and I kept trying to find a bathroom. Finally I woke up and realized my bladder was hurting me I really did have to go to the bathroom ha ha. So I went and tried to go back to my dream but you know that rarely happens. I wonder if me having to go to the bathroom is the reason for me having so many damn bathroom dreams. My subconscious is trying to tell me to wake up and go before you explode.

Dream

2008-05-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream about you. I was staying at a hotel somewhere visiting from somewhere else. I remember that because I saw a coke machine in the hallway. Strange I know I must have been thirsty. So I went to visit your sister. Hoping I would see you there, but I had just missed you. I had told your sister where I was staying and I guess she told you too because next thing I know you're knocking at my door. And you walking into the room sitting in the chair all I can think of is how much I used to like you when we were young. It's unbelievable how time has changed us, how things could be so different. How not close we are anymore. We sit and talk and chat about life in general and everything else seems to disappear. It's as if we are the only ones who exist in this world. It's such a magical feeling that I miss. The nerves, the butterflies, the magicalness in the air it's strange and beautiful. I walk you to the door to say goodnight you put your hand on my face in that soft way that you see in movies. We look into each other's eyes and we just look for a few minutes. We give each other a really strong hug. After you leave I start searching for you, this is when I see the coke machine so I know where I'm at. And I'm wandering the streets, just looking everywhere. I don't know what it is but I just woke up and I wanted it to continue I wanted to see what would happen next. I knew we had a connection, in my mind we will probably always have a connection but nothing will ever come of it. We've made separate lives. Perhaps if I had answered differently that one day that you asked me if I felt something for you, if I would have said yes our lives would have been so different. But the would have should have could have and did nots is all we have now. I wonder if you feel the same way sometimes. I saw you the other day (not literally the other day more like the other month a while ago). You were single, I'm not. And we digress. I really wanted to try so hard to go back to sleep, but it just wasn't happening. I don't know why you popped into my mind but you did. Strange what we dream of, they say it's what's on you're mind or what's going on. But I wasn't even remotely thinking of you as far as I know, but obviously I must have been lol. Time will tell if our paths shall cross again, if not in reality then at least in a dream state. I almost sent you a message to tell you I had a dream but then I thought hmm how many women must tell you that lol. Any who enough of this gibberish, I'll see you in my dreams.

mental breakdown

2008-05-03T19:25:00.001-07:00

Today I had a mental breakdown at target, seriously I had to fight back the tears. I was just so angry and so tired. I don't understand why men are so damn selfish. We go to the store so that I can buy pampers and stuff (me not him, he never buys shit unless it's for him selfish selfish selfish). well he disappears and I'm left with an almost 2 year old (yes those terrible twos are not a myth). In the cart out the cart push the cart hold me in the air so i can push from the top sit in the cart sit in the basket part i want to walk ... this was me trying to shop today while he disappeared i was so mad that i just wanted to leave. i was literally ready to leave him there and just go home i didn't want to deal with it anymore. so finally he finds me and we leave and that's when the breakdown started i couldn't stop crying the whole ride home. Mind you this is all happening while I'M driving (cause he never fuckin drives) and my mom and uncle are in the backseat witnessing my breakdown. later when we get home my mom tells me remember you can't count on a man to take care of a child because they are too selfish. which is exactly my problem he is too selfish. i wake up around 630 during the week and 730 on the weekend, he wakes up at 9 during the week and 10 on the weekend, but we both go to sleep at the same time. i'm fuckin drained and tired and i need a fucking break too what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!! why are men so fuckin selfish and yes the MAJORITY of you are.

.'s

2008-05-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

I hate them ... you're so happy that you got it but then when you get it you're like ughh i have it and i feel crappy i just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing. Or stay in the shower and be clean clean clean LOL. They always say be careful what you wish for that when you get it you might not want it. Not that I was worried that I wasn't going to get it but I'm just generalizing it you know.

Sleep is a Luxury

2008-04-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

That I don't have ... Isabella has been sleeping in my bed for two days now. She's sick so she is constantly waking up throughout the whole night and when she wakes up she's crying. So I am needless to say exhausted. I feel like i haven't slept in days and right now I'm at work practically falling asleep. Seriously it's very very hard for me to keep my opens long enough to do anything and on top of that I have NOTHING to do at work, literally NOTHING! So I'm trying to find things online to do and it's even hard to do that because really what's so exciting out there nothing really. I need my bed and some time to myself.

Men = Idiots!

2008-04-10T05:05:00.000-07:00

So I was listening to my favorite radio station this morning, Z100. Someone had sent an email in that went along the lines of the following:

My friend is a receptionist and gets a lot of weird calls. She was telling me about this one call that was a guy who asked if she could tell his wife that he has been working overtime at her company. But before he even asks the receptionist to lie for him he tells her the situation. He's been cheating on his wife for the past 6 weeks and has told her that he has been working overtime there (even though he doesn't work there at all) he asked the receptionist that his wife will probably call and if she could please tell his wife that he is in a meeting and will call him back when it's over. The receptionist being the nice person that she is laughed and said sure ok. Not believing him obviously. But sure enough two hours later his wife calls. So the receptionist thinking this guy shouldn't be getting away with this tells the guys wife. Well actually he hasn't been working over time he has been cheating on your for the past six weeks. He didn't block his number so she gave his wife the number that he called from. Sure enough the wife says thank you and calls her husband. The wife calls back later that day to tell the receptionist thank you for telling me, he admitted that he had been cheating on me for the past 6 weeks ... with my mother!

So the radio station asked what do you think the receptionist should have done? Would you have told the wife the truth or lied for the husband? Now if you lie to the wife then you are just continuing the mans lies but she wouldn't be hurt.

Me personally I would have told the wife everything just like the receptionist cause us women need to stick together. He must have been pretty fucking desperate to call some random place and lie that he's worked there and then ask a perfect stranger to lie for him as well. As if! I know i wouldn't put up with no man's shit and if one of my friends knew something (and this wasn't even a friend) then I would definitely tell her even if she didn't believe me at least I told her so she can't say that I didn't warn her. Oh and the kicker of the story that he was sleeping with her mother, I mean seriously how fucked up can you be. That is definitely some freaking Jerry Springer shit right there. Drama ... LOVE IT!

Tired

2008-04-02T05:04:00.000-07:00

I hate when you wait and you hope and your like Oh yeah it's so gonna happen, and then it doesn't. That just really really sux but you move on you keep trying and cross your fingers that one day you just might be good enough. Whatever I like my stuff and that's all that really matters since I'm the one who will be looking at it always not you or you or even you. But I move on ...

So it's 8:08 and I'm ready to go home ... I took Friday off though so I could relax a little and maybe spend some time with the bf since I've been ignoring him for a good two weeks cause he keeps pissing me off going to his friends house to help them fix up. And here's my problem with this... 1. anytime we have something in the house they NEVER come, 2. he's supposed to be paying him but he hasn't gotten a dime yet, 3. there are days where he drives to the guys place and he's sleeping or not ready to do anything that day (it's a fucking hour away and gas is high). 4. he spends no time with me or my daughter like at all. I'm just mad and disappointed all around I almost feel like just saying fuck it i don't give three fucks anymore i don't care i don't care i don't care just leave me the hell alone! You know what I'm just over it and tired.

I'm just tired.

Randomness

2008-03-26T05:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged on here for a while ... no drama to talk about you know. How boring is that. My brother has Jury duty this week, I almost wish I had jury duty because I love watching those crime shows on TV. It's def something different and interesting to experience. I got called once but couldn't go because it was during an exam week in school. I miss school sometimes (not the classes).

I ran into my DTM brother twice, whatever. It's bound to happen I just hope I don't see "it" anywhere or I don't know what I would do seriously. Is it bad that I actually thought of slashing tires just cause I had the opportunity to screw with him. Then I felt all bad and guilty. I didn't do anything wrong but I felt bad like he's my brother he can't be DTM you know. I actually felt sorry for him for only having THEM in his life and anything THEM related. He ran into my mom and she asked if he was happy he said he was comfortable. My mom is riding on that ray of hope that he didn't say happy only comfortable, she's like well he didn't say he's happy. Like miraculously he's going to change his mind and come back to her kind of thing. I didn't say anything I just let her ride that ray of sunshine she has in her head. He said he was going to stop by to say hi to my dad (my mom told him to) on Easter. When cleaning up the food she was like oh let me save some for your brother in case he comes so he can take some home. He didn't show up. I felt bad for her. (Writing that it almost made me tear up so I'm changing the subject).

So back to my brother being on Jury duty because of that the schedule to watch Isabella is all whacked out. Now Kirk is going in at 330 (WTF you mean to tell me he could have kept that fucking schedule instead of working from 11-8). I think he's full of shit. I think he changed the schedule to satisfy himself with no consideration on who's watching our child and when. I swear I really and honestly think he's really selfish sometimes. Men just don't think of anyone but themselves first ... who agrees with me? It's horrible how selfish he is. I mean yeah I am sometimes too who isn't but he goes a little over board with it sometimes and it's just irritating me. Men! Can't live with them, can't live without them!

babies

2008-03-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

so my old coworker just called me and she had forever had issues with gettin pregnant. you know she did the whole taking shots, going here and there to try and get pregnant so she finally did and had a beautiful little girl, apparently she tells me she just popped another kid out in February and is contemplating working on her third because she's not getting any younger (37). I'm all like wow I didn't even know you were pregnant again lol. Well sure enough i get the dreaded question. when are you having another. i feel like i'm being forced to have another kid. it wasn't hard the first time at all nothing was hard, not the pregnancy not the labor not the waking up (cause who needs sleep), so why shouldn't i go ahead and try for another one. i dont know if im ready cause i just don't know. i would feel like im doing it just to get it over with and to satisfy everyone else. but babies cost money ... money i dont have so unless your going to pay for my child please just leave me the hell alone i'll have another one when im ready.

Transportation Manager - Rant

2008-03-07T10:21:00.000-08:00

YOU SHORT NO NECK FAGGOT ASS MOTHER FUCKER HOW DARE YOU YELL AT ME FOR DOING MY FUCKING JOB! IS IT MY FUCKING FAULT YOUR SHORT MONSTER LOOKING LIKE BITCH OF A ADMIN IS OUT TODADY ... NO!!! IS IT MY FAULT YOUR LEPRECHAUN MOFO OF A SUPERVISOR IS ON VACATION THIS WEEK ... NO!!!! SO DON'T FUCKING YELL AT ME CAUSE FOR ONCE SINCE YOU'VE FUCKING BEEN HERE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO SOME WORK, YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO TAKE PHONE CALLS, YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO PAPERWORK AND NOT JUST TELL YOUR MINIONS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. WHY DON'T YOU GET OFF YOUR FUCKING HIGH HORSE STOP STRESSING AND TAKING SHIT OUT ON ME AS IF YOU MEAN ANYTHING TO ME YOU FUCKING SHRIMP. FIRST OF ALL NO ONE EVEN FUCKING TOLD ME YOUR SNAGLE TOOTH ADMIN WASN'T EVEN HERE TODAY I HAD TO FUCKING OVER HEAR THAT SHIT CAUSE NO ONE TELLS ME SHIT HERE, SO WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR NO NECK STOCKY NASTINESS TO THE GYM TO WORK OUT YOUR FRUSTRATION IN THE SHOWERS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, CAUSE YOUR SO OBVIOUSLY A FLAME (I BET IF HE COULD HE WOULD DATE THE MOFO AND THEY WOULD LOVE IT). GO PUT ON YOUR LEGWARMERS (LOL BRIAN), YOUR FUCKING LITTLE TU TU AND GO DANCE AND PRANCE AROUND YOUR OFFICE DOING NOTHING BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOUR USED TO BECAUSE EVERYONE DOES EVERYTHING FOR YOU. YOU KNOW I REALLY FUCKING HATE MANAGERS THEY ARE OVERPAID PEOPLE WHO DO NOTHING AND TAKE ALL THE RECOGNITION FOR ALL WORK THAT COMES OUT OF THEIR DEPARTMENT IT'S A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT AND I BAN HIM FROM MY SIGHT OF VIEW. FUCKING PRICK!

I'm Exhausted

2008-02-26T08:32:00.000-08:00

So ever since my DTM cousin moved out of the house we've been fixing up that room for my daughter to try and get her out of my room and have her in her own room. It's been a task and a half let me tell you. First so far the room has cost us to fix up around 700 so far ... still more to come I'm sure. But the money isn't the issue I think it's that she keeps waking u p constantly and coming to my room. She's so used to sleeping there that I know it will take a while for her to get used to being on her own in her own room. It's hard ... getting up at 3 or 4 in the morning cause you hear your kid crying in the room next door and you have to go get her cause she's scared. (that's one of her favorite words too .. scared, scared, scared it's adorable but sad of course). So I haven't really been getting much sleep. Neither has Kirk really, and yesterday he came to me talking about switching his hours. I see his point of wanting to be home with us more (we work opposite schedules) but it's hard we just can't afford to pay someone to babysit. It's just not plausible right now. When she gets older and starts going to school then he can work in the morning and we can all be home together at night, but for now it's just not going to happen. It's just the little struggles you have to go through in life before you can have all the good stuff later in life. Right? lol. Anyways I'm tired beyond words. And there is still sooooooooo much to do.

Emotional

2008-02-21T20:09:00.000-08:00

Don't you hate when one of your favorite movies is on and you tune to it on the tv and even if it's more than halfway through or maybe even close to finishing and it's the sadest part of the movie and even if you literally JUST turned it on you are completely into it and you start tearing up or get that feeling in your chest the tightening i know you know what i mean LOL. That's it.

i heart movies sooooooooooooooooooo much.

blegh

2008-02-19T05:38:00.001-08:00

I haven't written in a minute ... lots of drama at home don't reallyw ant to talk about it. Let's just say isabella finally has her own room and my older bro is dtm. newho it's another boring tuesday. i dont want to be at work i dont want to do work i dont wnat to do nothing right now. and it's not even 9 yet.

Rant#2 - The parttimer

2008-02-15T07:54:00.000-08:00

Ok I understand that people have to clear their throats. It's a natural thing just like farting and etc LOL. Not that I believe you should fart in a place of business .. go to the bathroom ok now I'm going completely off topic LOL. Alright so the part timer who sits in front of me (i still call her a temp in my head since she was a temp to hire) anyway she is CONSTANTLY clearing her throat. Like how much shit could u have in there seriously. Get some fucking cough drops, gargle some damn mouthwash do something but fucking clear you're throat already. She is a chronic throat clearer and if I was Seinfeld on a date with her that would be the reason to break up with her (or was it george who did that anywho). Is this an illness this constant throat clearing? What could it be. Just tell her to shut the fuck up already (and maybe answer a phone call or two haha). It's funny cause the receptionist once bought her a bottle of water cause she was doing it so much. And it's not like she doesn't drink anything all day cause she does. She drinks water and coffee... could it be the coffee causing it? I don't know cause I don't drink coffee but someone please help me to shut her the fuck up!!!! Stop clearning your throat. I'm tempted to take my chloraseptic (sp?) and put it on her desk cause I always carry one around just in case u never know when u'll need it. But then again if I give it to her will it fucking work? Cause damnit!!! Clear throat type email clear throat talk on cell phone clear throat check news online from india clear throat fake type work clear throat clear throat clear throat clear throat WTF you're driving me banana's!

Angry Blog

2008-02-15T05:49:00.001-08:00

Today I feel extreme anger inside me. You know the type of anger that makes your body feel all tingly and you run through scenarious through your mind and you're just unbelievable angry on the inside with rage on the side lol. I'm just so mad and I don't know why, well I could come up with a couple things but still ... alright fine I'll tell you. I'm angry at the post office for losing shit in the mail I mean how fucking hard is it to get it from point a to point b seriously what the fuck asshole every fucking time u fucking lose one of my fucking orders in the mail i have to fucking redo them and it's not fun at all. Especially when it's after midnight and someone is telling me they still haven't received their shit from January and it's not fucking February. I mailed it, other people got their shit, what the fuck you know. It just angers me that I have to redo something and send it out again into the abyss that is the post office or should i say black hole since shit keeps missing out. I feel like a tard when someone doesn't recieve what they ordered like what am i going to do but fucking resend it ... so that takes time away from me doing whatever and money out of my pocket for your fucking mistake!!!!!!!! Ugh fucking PO i hate them.

I am boycotting

2008-02-14T07:27:00.000-08:00

How cool would it be to get those flowers below? Awesome of course but again highly doubtful. My boyfriend is not the most romantic guy out there so I don't think we'll be doing anything at all. I would be shocked if he even got me a card. Oh well it's just another Hallmark day to make money right? I mean do we really need one day to tell people we love them? We should tell people that we love that we love them everyday. Yeah I know the cliche arguements of a person who's not doing anything for v-day lol. Hush! I can vent a little if i want to. I mean nothing sucks more than actually having a valentine but not celebrating the day that's just ridiculous but oh so true. BAHUMBUG TO VALENTINE"S DAY!!!

In other news - i'm hungry LOL. and cold. and don't want to work. and that's it.
what are your thoughts of today? Is it special?

UPDATE:

I came home to find two boxes of chocolates and super cute pj's and a really nice card. Yah for sweet boyfriends who care! He proved me wrong.

Rant #1 -- the parttimer

2008-02-13T08:36:00.000-08:00

You haven't been here ALL fucking day .... you come in super late and then all you do is send emails on yahoo and do nothing while i'm trying to work on a 4000+ line report and you can't answer the fuckin phone when it rings .... ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE is what I want to yell to the and still you just sit there with a blank look on your face doing god knows what and ignore the phone like it's a plague. Fucking part timers UGHHHHH!

Freak Snow Blizzards

2008-02-11T10:09:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't love a freak snow blizzard. I mean when you're coming out of Outback and the weather is clear because the snow has passed while you were eating you feel just fine walking all dandy to the car. That is until something goes TWACK! (insert into a cartoony bubble like batman the show) and hits you upside your head you're taken aback a little. Like what the hell I thought Kirk threw snow on me (there was no snow around that I saw mind you) and then more and more and more snow started coming down on us. Kirk ran to the car with Isabella I just stood there and was like la di da what the hell is going on. Kirk snapped this picture of me while he was warm in the car and I was outside freezing my ass off. That's about less than a minute of snow on my mind you.

It was like a freak mini blizzard that lasted all of ten minutes if that, just enough to cover the grass slightly which it melted in no time because then the snow came out. It was just crazy that's never happened to me before. Fun stuff.

So this weekend was very fun filled and full. I have to scan this picture of Isabella later that we took at Chuck E Cheese she looks soooo freakin adorable. Anywho. So friday was Kirk's birthday we went out to the Euro Lounge. It wasn't that full and I am completely not a club person but I went for him because it was his birthday and that's what he wanted to do. It wasn't that packed but there sure were some crazies in there, too funny to watch that's for sure. Got home around 3ish because we stayed till they closed. Had yummy drinks of course. Saturday was a kids day ... we went to my friends kid's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. I haven't been there since I was like 10 or less and it's def not how I remembered it. There were soooooooooo many kids. And I was highly disappointed that there was no ball pit, isn't that the point of Chuck E Cheese LOL. Well Isabella had a great time she didn't want to leave but of course once we got in the car she knocked out. Then later that night I scrapped my heart away, while Kirk, my brother and my uncle went to a titi bar. I have no clue what happened there and I don't want to know what he did there because then it's just going to anger me LOL. Sunday we went to visit his mom and then went to Van Suan Zoo and then to Outback and again I came home and scrapped my heart out.

Today ... it's monday, nuff said! LOL I'm pretending to work as usual. Kirk is home he says he's sick because he has a cough and a headache therefore he's not going to work. I tell him I'm worse than that and I still go to work. I told him to stop being a pussy. Men have no threshold for pain I swear. But tonight since he's home I'm going to go scrap my little heart away again LOL.

IT's been a minute

2008-02-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

Well it feels like it anyway. Today is my boyfriends birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Not that he reads this thing but whatever LOL. His plan is to go out clubbin tonight. I haven't been to a club since I was in college. So this should be interesting to say the least. I'm in a blah mood so I don't really have much to talk about and nothing to vent about. I'm just pms'n!

Super Tuesday

2008-02-05T08:00:00.001-08:00

Get out and there and vote if you can and if you can't then get out there and register. Your voice and opinion matters (even if you don't think it does it does). You can go here to Register to Vote. After work I'm going straight to the polls. Always a fun experience. I remember the first time I voted. I locked my keys in the car (along with my cell phone) I had to scrounge people for change to call the house so I could get someone to bring my spare. See always an adventure. Now go vote and get all the facts.

Stab me in the EYE please!

2008-02-04T18:24:00.000-08:00

Angry Blog Alert!!

I just had an arguement with my mother. I fucking hate it when I'm trying to discipline my daughter and teach her that she cannot have everything that she wants including running around the house when it's time for her to go to sleep. So I put her on the bed and lay down next to her and I tell her to go to sleep and sure enough she bursts out with a tantrum and starts crying (loudly and so absolutely fake but loud none the less and very over dramatic which is her new skill), She does this a couple times. Stopping chilling and then I tell her to go to sleep and out come the crocodile tears. Well my mom walks in and she's like come on baby let's go, I tell her I'm trying to disipline her and she's not helping any by taking her away. So she responds she's crying too much (this from a person that when she was smaller would tell me oh it's ok let her cry she needs to cry sometimes can we say hypocritical I THINK SO!!!). So she takes her away and I start ranting fine take her away why don't you take the crib too and put it in your room and she closes her door and I slam my door close (yes I know that was childish but I was pissed). I was so angry I could literally punch a hole in the wall and it not hurt me. Anywho she comes back two seconds later telling me where is her pacifier (me being more childish) I don't know ask your grandaughter she took it with her. My mom then continues to tell me to stop acting like a kid. I'm just so mad that people are always telling me to do things and raise my kid one way and not to do certain things. But when they do it's ok, like WTF!!! Ugh so fucking frustrated I hate that shit. I'm just so mad and Isabella is throwing too many tantrums to keep letting her be that way because then before you know it she's going to be impossible and spoiling her is not going to help. Alright I'm done I have a really big headache. Oh wait and Kirk called me like 2 minutes after the arguement with my mother and I yell at him after tellin him what my mother did I told him he isn't any better, the he never fucking helps when he needs to. Like this weekend all I wanted to do was scrap one day that's it. He couldn't even watch her I had to watch her and scrap at the same time. He's impossible, and he never wakes up in the morning all he does is sleep and it's just not fair that I have to wake up at seven in the morning when I go to sleep around one or two am. And I don't nap like he does. Not to mention it's rare that I sleep throughout the whole night. It just angers me that he can't help me and maybe just fucking maybe let me sleep a little and then I won't be so stressed out and just like I'm going to break down at any moment. Ok I'm done I'm going to TRY and go to sleep early and just forget about everyone and everything!

30 hrs Please?!?

2008-02-01T07:25:00.000-08:00

I wish there more hours in the day to do more things. I wish I had more time for my love of scrapbooking. I wish I had more time to sleep. I wish i had more time with Kirk and Isabella together other than just on weekends. Maybe I should have titled this blog as I wish LOL. There are so many projects that are on my mind that I just need to find the time to do. I really need to get my sewing machine back from my friend. She's had it long enough and I don't even really think she's even used it. Oh well either way I'm taking it back. I have some projects I want to get completed and for that to happen I need my sewing machine. There are so many brilliant ideas out there that I'm dying to try out but never find the time to do it and if I finally do have some time I have to do something else and don't have enough to do everything I want to do.

I got so busy doing other things that I forgot I was doing this blog ... SEE WHAT I MEAN!!! HAHA!

I'll never get everything I want to complete completed, it's impossible, but I will keep trying. I'm not a big football fan so I'm hoping I can scrap all day Sunday! Cross fingers, and GO GIANTS! (just cause I'm originally from NY haha)!

No internet!!! That's blasphemy!!

2008-01-31T08:56:00.000-08:00

Don’t you hate when the internet is not working at work, and you have no work to do and there is nothing on you’re computer that you can really interact with cause all the good stuff is online. That just seriously sucks so here I am on Word writing my blog that I will post later if the internet starts working again. Our email works, our company website works but our internet does not. Bummer. So what shall I talk about today to pass the time? Good question because I have no idea.

Tonight is Lost and I can’t wait, FINALLY its back! Last time we left off was Through the Looking Glass. Charlie was killed; Desmond was still in the tank so let’s see if he survived which I’m sure he did I think I saw him in the previews. The survivors contacted Naomi’s boat which it looks like are not people who are there to save them. Should be interesting why they want “the others” so bad. I wish I could watch a couple of the previous episodes right now but unfortunately the internet is still down... 2 hrs later and still counting. Last night after Ghost Hunters was a show called UFO Hunters (I guess it’s a play off of Ghost Hunters with the same format but they are looking for UFO’s and to disprove them). Well that episode (not sure if it’s a new show but I think it might be) was based in NJ. I thought it was funny to see people from NJ thinking they saw a UFO like anything interesting ever really happens in NJ lol. This one dude I swear to you he thinks he was abducted, I was like ok wacko, next! Lol. We have air force bases in NJ that’s prob what it was and they won’t tell you because I’m sure it’s top secret just like everything else the government does. But still it was interesting to listen to. American Idol was alright it wasn’t all that last night. It’s getting so boring they really need to change it up or just cancel it all together. The majority of the people who actually try out for the show shouldn’t be singing at all. They are sooo weird and swear they are the shiznit when they aren’t. I thought Project Runway was new, but it wasn’t because I had already seen that episode, isn’t it on new episodes on Wednesday? New seasons of a couple of my fav reality shows are coming back soon. Big Brother 9, Survivor and America’s Next Top Model.

I wish I had a cubby. But instead I just have an open desk with another open desk in front of me. At least my back is to the wall so no one can go behind me and actually see that I pretty much almost never do any work because I never have anything to do.

Fuckin A!! I wish I had internet I’m going bananas over here. It’s already been three hours of me pretending to do work which let me tell you without internet it’s pretty fuckin hard, obviously I’m cursing so I’m getting more and more irritated by the minute. Everything I think of doing I need the internet for. OMG how did we ever live without this? Seriously, I can’t imagine not being in the information age where you can find the answer to almost anything on the internet. It’s an addiction that everyone has, well almost everyone. Those that wish not to conform are on their own. I don’t know if I could have lived back in the day, without computers, phones, television, or anything significant in technology. Like toilets, seriously I know some people still don’t use toilets in other countries but I couldn’t imagine it. I’ve never been camping before someone says something about that. I am spoiled with our day and age, and don’t worry I’m sure our kids will be even more spoiled because when I was in school we didn’t all have computers of our own, we had to pay for the bus, everyone didn’t have a cell phone. I didn’t get one till I was I think a sophomore or freshman in college. And even then I had to sneak buy one and then tell my dad, he made me return it and got me a better one. LOL. Every generation makes their mark, I don’t know what ours is but I couldn’t live without the things we have grown accustomed to, like the internet. Now someone go and fix it …. I’m really bored.

1.5 more hours and I go to lunch, I at least hope by the time I get back that it will be fixed otherwise holy hell what have they been doing all damn long other than trying to fix this issue. This is a pretty big one because people could lose their orders if they don’t have it written down somewhere. I seriously feel like taking a nap. Just closing my eyes and starting to snore but again I don’t have an office or a cubby. Sometimes I wonder fi that’s what they do when they close their office door if they take a nap in there especially when they have couches in there. I could totally see some of the managers doing that but of course they would never admit it since it’s against company rules.

Ok I might have just been caught with my eyes closed … but who cares, I know I don’t!

IT’S BACK!!!!!!!!!

2012?

2008-01-30T07:48:00.000-08:00

Ponder this .... December 2012. Do you know what I'm talking about? Any clue? Supposedly the end of civilization as we know it. That is according to the many prophecies out there. I don't if I talked about this before on my blog or not, but I am now cause that's what popped into my mind.

For those of you who are not familiar with the significance of 2012, here’s a
short explanation: The basis of this event lies in the Mayan calendar, in which
time, as we understand it, comes to an end and a major shift occurs in human
consciousness. Will this be the end of the world? Or, is it the beginning of a
new world? Some believe that the shift will reveal the 4th dimension (time) or
maybe the 5th dimension (unity with the unseen Spirit World/Heaven).

Here are a few things:
Accordingly, several eclectic authors claim that a major, world-changing event will take place in 2012:

The ancient and many modern Maya groups believe that the universe has been renewed four previous times. The first attempt at human life produced animals instead; the second produced a people made of clay who would eventually become certain insects (such as ants and bees); the third attempt produced monkeys; and the fourth attempt produced us: "true humans." Each prior attempt at the human creation was destroyed by a different catastrophe which ended the universe. These stories vary by Maya group: the animals were nearly destroyed by a flood, the people of clay were nearly destroyed by a flood and then a global firestorm, the monkey-people were attacked by their own belongings and their animals.
The astronomically-based Mayan calendar will be completing its first great cycle of approximately 5,200 years on the 21 December 2012. Although there is no substantial evidence that the ancient Maya considered the date significant, many people have postulated that this is the "end of the Universe" from the Mayan perspective, and others believe that the Mayans meant this to symbolize the "coming of a great change."
The book The Orion Prophecy claims that the Earth's magnetic field will reverse.
NASA predicts that the Sun will also reverse its own magnetic poles during 2012 as result of reaching the end of the current 11-year sunspot cycle
Charles Manson will be eligible for a parole hearing again. (If that's not the end I don't know what is HAHA)

There's tons more out there. Reminds me a lot of Y2K when NOTHING happened. Well nothing that impacted me anyway lol. But that was something man made dealing with computers so it was fixable. But this that they are talking about is not man made. We can't control the magnetic field, we can't control the winter solstice, we can control the fact that we are going to be lining up with the black hole or whatever it was they said on the History channel. So what are your opinions on it? I think the only thing we can do is sit and wait and see what happens. They say that the earth is going to move, the North pole will no longer be the north pole. Is it going to be like the ice age? People have been saying that we will have another Ice age for ever and a day. And if so how does that effect me? Are we going to be the new North Pole?

Woeful Wednesday

2008-01-30T07:37:00.000-08:00

It's gloomy out, it's raining on and off, it's semi dark. I love the smell just after it rains, it's so fresh and so clean(~outkast). That's what happened when I walked out the house this morning to go to work. It smelled delicious.

My hair is getting out of control. It's relatively long. Long enough to get caught in everything and anything. This morning I was really getting irritated with my hair, I love it long believe me and it took me a while to grow it back but it's buggin me. Everywhere I turn I feel that my hair is in the way. So dare I? Is it time? Should I chop it off? I really don't know. I'm torn.

Sorry for the shitty picture but all I had was my camera phone LOL. If it's straightened it's my longer, but my hair is naturally a curly mess.

Why?

2008-01-24T07:24:00.000-08:00

Why for two days have I had no work to do? I mean absolutely nothing, I wish I could go home and still get paid but no instead I have to sit here and pretend to be doing work because in reality I have nothing to do and I'm bored out of my mind!

Why do men feel the need to go to a strip club and get a lap dance? My older brother is taking both my boyfriend and my uncle to the bar, their birthdays are one day apart and he is planning to buy them both a lap dance. I told my brother that Kirk doesn't need to get a lap dance. I said I would throw the laptop on him and make it dance LOL. But it's his birthday so whatever I suppose. I just don't like the idea of him going there and having some person all over him and then him coming home to me wanting to get some while still thinking of that other person. Am I not a normal female for thinking that cause duh isn't that what guys do?

Why can't bills just disappear into thin air? That would be the loveliest thing in the whole world. Someone go win the lottery and give me some money just 50,000 to help with all my bills. Thanks I'll love you forever I promise lol.

Why blog? because remember I have to pretend like I'm working so typing this thing out makes it look like I'm working really hard LOL. I'm such a faker sometimes, faker!

RIP Heath Ledger

2008-01-23T08:38:00.000-08:00

Dare I even talk about it? It's a sad sad thing when someone with so much potential goes down the wrong path. I mean I don't know all the details but we get the gist of what probably happened. Of course it can't be confirmed until the autopsy but still. He's my age you know. He had a beautiful 2 yr old daughter. Like I could never even begin to imagine doing anything to jeopardize my time with my daughter (who will also be 2 this year). It's a sad thing when people are so overtaken by emotion they don't know how to handle it other than substance abuse. In my family there is a lot of alcoholism (my whole father's side) but luckily I don't believe any of the kids have fallen trap yet. I know I personally don't think I ever will. I mean there was a time when I would get up and have a beer but hello it was vacation and I was young. Now I know better. It's just things like this that really make you take a good look at yourself and the people around you. Remember even if your in pain and you want to hurt yourself so badly, think about the people you are leaving behind that you will be hurting even more. I've seen almost every single one of Heath Ledger's movies. He was a really likable guy on screen, and I've seen the preview for Batman and WOW he had a promising long future ahead of him. That movie is going to make money. But we'll never know now. Moment of silence for another lost soul.

Cloverfiled

2008-01-22T09:35:00.001-08:00

It left me wanting more (not in a bad way) I didn't want it to end. A good sequel would be another person's point of view during the same event. How interesting would that be. It wasn't so bad. I think it had emotion, action, the whole sci-fi aspect. A little bit of everything for everyone. I definitely want to go see 27 Dresses though (I'm such a girl I know but DUH). But my mom was sick and couldn't go with me so hopefully this weekend we can go. (I have no girlfriends after I had Isabella everyone disappeared because none of them had kids or don't still whatever). I'm not bitter. Anywho. What?!?

This year I was just thinking about this after seeing a LO that said "Things I want to do before I turn 31". I will be 29 this year, so soon I'll be moving into my next decade. I have to make a list of things to do before 30. And actually DO THEM. I wish I could do all the travelling I said on my bucketlist but F'n A! The job only gives you so much time off and even then you only have so much money readily available. I am definitely NOT rich in any way. I don't even think I'm middle class (if I was living alone). I totally lost my train of thought because the freakin phone rang. Don't these people know I'm blogging and need to concentrate hard on what I'm thinking about saying to the world who reads my blog. Not that there are many to begin with but still. LOL. Ok enough ranting ... so yeah list for things to do before 30. Any suggestions?

It's Friday Bitches!!!!

2008-01-18T08:19:00.000-08:00

I'm so ready for this weekend. It has been one hell of a long week, completely boring so much so that I've been stalking apparently LOL. Today I plan on finishing that project FINALLY! I'm almost done I swear haha, I just blah it you know. So I feel like getting up and shaking my booty. I"m in such a good mood cause duh it's FRIDAY!!!! No work tomorrow (MAYBE I can sleep in although I doubt it, but I will try). I'm going to go see Cloverfield tomorrow, can't wait. I hope it's actually good. Critics have given it a B so far so that can't be TOO bad. We'll see. And then maybe Kirk will take me out to eat or something .. hopefully. That would be nice actually. Ok I totally lost my train of thought so I'm going to have to say bye for now.

To Kristi

2008-01-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

I'm not a stalker I swear LOL ... I just have too much time on my hands at work. Do you have any other blogs I should check out? Anyone? LOL

Dreaming about Friday

2008-01-17T12:20:00.000-08:00

Everyday has seemed like a Friday at work. But then reality sets in and I know I still have to work the next day and the day after and even the day after. Today luckily there is only one day after. I'm so ready for this week to be over. It's been unbelievably boring and long and just plain old drawn out. I'm ready to go home and we still have an hour and a half.

Oh the sheer pain of so much boredom. I have been working on the same project for two weeks now. I just really don't feel like completing it. Luckily it's not something that is due anytime soon. It's promotions for April, but I have promised myself that tomorrow I will actually work on them and complete them. Tomorrow. Not today because I don't feel like doing anything but playing on the Internet.

Just you know

2008-01-15T07:37:00.000-08:00

Randomness ... Right now I pretty much live vicariously through other people. My life is pretty blah right now you know very routine like. My daily schedule goes like this:

7: wake up
730: go to work
8: start work
100: go to lunch (go home for 20 mins if that)
200: back to work
5: back home
530 get home:
make sure Isabella eats
play with her or let her run around the house for a while
run errands if i need to go to the market or the store for something
put Isabella to sleep
Scrap if I have time or just lay down and watch TV
Sometimes I'll play games on my laptop
1230: Kirk gets home
.....
1-2ish go to sleep

then the next day it starts all over again. Boring right LOL. So I will scroll through blogs and remember days when I would be drunk and not doing homework in college (you know who you are blogger lol), the days of Internet dating (I actually met my bf through yahoo go figure), the days when you could go out with multiple men the same day and just have a blast or even those days when you would have the WLE (LOL Kristi). They seem like forever and a day ago but it really wasn't, just a couple of years. How time flies and how life changes. But I'm content with my simple happy life but sometimes I wouldn't mind just letting loose you know. Maybe I should make that a resolution this year even though I don't believe in resolutions (btw I haven't picked my first book yet so we see how that's going LOL) I should give it a try. We'll see what this year will bring us. Hopefully lol. The weekends are my only sanity and chance to get out and do things, so let's make them funfilled this year.

Tards I Work With

2008-01-14T10:13:00.000-08:00

If you know you are coming in for a meeting, why on earth would you wait till the afternoon (not even morning) before to try and make a reservation at one of the nearby hotels? The one we usually use is booked up. I'm not the reservation person ... I hate that they think I am. I hate that I end up making them sometimes. I hate making reservations even for myself. I'd rather do that shit online and be done with it. I'm not a reservation taker. Do I look like I work at a hotel, is it my fault you wait till the last minute to make a reservation. Ugh people annoy me here. So apparently big meeting tomorrow and Wednesday let's see how that works out.

Sleepiness

2008-01-14T08:58:00.000-08:00

I've been up since 530ish ... I've been at work since 7ish
It's now noonish and I'm starting to fall asleep
I don't think I really started falling asleep until my alarm went off LOL
Am I the only person like that, doubtful.
Insomnia is not fun especially alone lol.
When everyone around you is snoring ... and you can't fall asleep it just sux major bootay!

Not Technically a Resolution

2008-01-11T07:36:00.000-08:00

I want to join a book club, I think I should be reading more books in 2008. It's hard because I rarely have time because if I'm not working I'm at home watching my daughter and if I'm not doing that (usually when she falls asleep) I'm scrapbooking my memories, and if I'm not doing that then I'm catching up on my TV or running errands somewhere. Even the weekends are usually busy with visiting family and what not. But I want to make the time to read a book or two. All I need to do is find a book club that may cater to my taste. LOL. (I like the girly books haha). I used to read a lot, now I just wish I had enough time to sleep really. Yeah it's not a resolution cause I don't really believe in those but it's something I wouldn't mind if it happened but I wouldn't die if it didn't. Any suggestions on book clubs, I'm open....

This morning I had a crazy ass dream. I was at the movies it was a huge theater with tons of chairs but also room in the back to stand or sit, weird I know. Anywho we got out of the movie I set my bag down turn around for a second some bitch stole my purse. I was like hells no! I was chasing her trying to get my purse back it was both comedic and tragic lol. LOL Shakespeare's favorite a tragic comedy lol. Anywho eventually I believe I got my purse back and when my alarm went off I was soooooo tired literally my body didn't want to move. It seems my dream exhausted me completely. But I had to force myself to get up because it was 7:05 and I needed to get out of the house by 7:30. It was quite a trial to get my body going.

quick dream analysis definitions whatever:

~MOVIE THEATER - Dreaming that you are in a movie theater, indicates that you are attempting to protect yourself from your emotions and/or actions. Viewing them on a movie screen projects them onto another person and thus makes those feelings/actions distant . You may be protecting yourself from experiencing them.

~ROBBERY - Dreaming that you have been robbed indicates that you are experiencing an identity crisis or you are suffering some sort of loss in your life. Alternatively, you may feel that someone has stolen your success or has taken credit for something you did.

HMMMM...I wonder what that's all about?

p.s. I hate when people drive while riding their brakes ... I know you know what I mean!

Truly Orgasmic

2008-01-09T12:01:00.000-08:00

When you have an itch and finally give it the attention it needs, just close your eyes and feel the pure pleasure of being able to scratch that itch until it itches no longer!