job - hate

I FUCKIN HATE MY JOB - WHERE DOES SOMEONE GET THE FUCKIN COJONES TO TELL THE CUSTOMER THAT I FUCKED UP? I DID WHAT I WAS TOLD TO DO IF THE TRUCKER COULDN'T MAKE IT HAPPEN IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT.
i hate my job - if i knew "his" car i would fuckin key it if i knew i wouldn't get caught.

4 more days until ...

I go on my VA trip - and five days until i turn 30 which i think i did a list of things i wanted to do before then yeah i doubt i did many if any of those ahhahaha.

talking to exes ... and he's just not that into you

Is it cheating if your dating someone, and you text/IM other men?

Is it wrong to talk to exes?

What am I doing - at one point the guilt felt just too much for me this weekend LOL. we had a really great weekend, i have a really great guy so why do i feel the need to go out and look for others? i have never cheated on my current bf (i've cheated on ever bf i've ever had except the very short relationships cause duh they were too short). We've been together almost four years now the only different thing about this relationship in regards to the other ones is that we have a child and we live together. And don't get me wrong, i'm totally happy with him. Sure there was a few weeks there where things were really tough with me emotionally and i was just drained completely that's when i was really contemplating wandering. i'm just not used to the same person for so long, sometimes you just want something different you know what i mean.

I know i probably wouldn't do anything with anyone but still sometimes you just wonder.

Last night I saw "he's just not that into you". And I totally get the review with women start from when they are little to believe if a man treats you bad then he likes you etc etc and ends with the same false hope thinking that you are the exception to the rule. But you know what WHO CARES, the movie was great. I loved everyone's story lines. They had a little bit of everyone or someone you know in the story. the girl who finds guys online, the married couple, the couple that have been together forever but are not married, the couple who act like one but aren't one because the girl doesn't want to settle, and of course my fav the girl who wants the fantasy and goes about it in a psycho way and the boy who uses women and in the end realizes that he loves the psycho. I LOVED THIS MOVIE!!!!!!! i don't care about reality stuff when i see a movie i see it as a movie and nothing more but i literally watched it two times yesterday and was sad to see it go in the mail this morning. i really want that movie in my collection i could watch justin long and ben affleck all day and night long. Seriously. i want the movie and i want the book and i told my bf that last night. my bday is next saturday let's see if he comes through LOL. probably not hahaha.

work

if it was fun then they wouldn't call it work
i fuckin hate my job
i hate every single person here at times (except maybe two people)
they are so fucking fake fake fake
i fuckin hate my job
you piss me off on a daily basis
soon im not going to answer ur calls anymore
i want you to be assigned to someone else
you annoy and irritate me
i fuckin hate my job!!!

Surprise ... or not

So my family sucks at surprises they just dont know it. my birthday is coming up and it's the big 3-0. well i'm pretty sure they are planning a party which is funny because that's what i did for my mom and now she's doing it to me. except i was better at it because she had no idea literally until we pulled up to the house. me i can hear them whispering and it's not good, my mom is a really loud person so she's bad at keeping secrets i hear her on the phone with her friend she's like hold on let me walk back here so cathy can't hear about the party WTF i just heard you say that .. LOL so i get up from my chair and close the door to my room so i literally do not hear anything else because if it's a surprise then shit i want it to be a real surprise you know. so i'm trying really really hard to ignore everyone when the issue comes up because i know they want it to be a surprise lol.

...

I think I'm depressed.

Dream - MF

I haven't dreamed about you in years ... literally. So I was pleasantly surprised to see you in my dreams again being a love interest and you will definitely always be the one that got away but I'm sure that happened for a reason.

I was in this house which I'm assuming was mine or which I was staying at and I went into this room looking for someone and there you were laying on the bed watching TV. So I sit on the bed and we just talked and flirted really. Touched hands that kinda thing then something happened and I had to leave to see what it was. I ran out and it almost seemed like the world was ending or something I have no clue but I went back and you were in the living room watching TV. Sitting on the couch, I went over to you and then my alarm woke me up.

So there was nothing sexually involved per say but there were thoughts of sexuality. This is a guy that if I were about to get married and had a chance for that one last fling, he would be it. Well it's between him and someone else lol. Either way it's just someone I've wanted since I was like 12. Why do people pop in to your mind at the weirdest times. I wasn't or haven't even thought about him in forever but he shows up in my dream like a reminder of something that I could have had but didn't because I was too afraid to give into it. Maybe that's why I had that dream, who knows I'm no dream expert that's for sure. But it was nice to see him there and now he's all I'm thinking about this morning, duh. Hugs and Kisses to you wherever you are even though i know you are probably only 30 mins away from me right at this moment. Maybe you're sleeping in bed (I'm sure not alone since you are never alone).