i told him ...

sorta ... jokingly but i finally said it but now i can't seem to stop my taking the pill so then it could take effect ... and amy hahah i'm not crazy and he does know so it's ok. i just got to have the nerve to stop taking the pill and then we can get the ball rolling again so to speak hahah it's hot today maybe i'll try if i can get the nerve to do it.

I'VE DECIDED

it's time ... to have another baby

.

I'm like on the verge of tears I swear. I don't know what it is but it must be a build up of a lot of things. I am busy at work today but I needed to breathe just for a minute or two. My boss is irritating the hell out of me. I'm doing work for my other person and my boss keeps coming to me telling me this and that and that and i'm like ok ok ok. i fucked up a couple orders and had to redo them, no problem but it's like ughh he talks to one person and i talk to another person and this one tells me this and this one tells me that like wtf am i supposed to do i do what people tell me and that's it ... i'm just frustrated i'm on my . and i have cramps and i'm ready to cry so it's almost time for lunch. thank god.

i feel slightly better now minus the cramps.

Vampires and Warewolves?

I'm addicted ... what you may ask am I talking about. The books from the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. I'm in love with Bella and Edward. I'm on the third book of the series already. Mind you I just started reading last week ha ha. It's like I can't put it down they are just too good. I know they are young adult books and I should probably be reading something meaningful or important like about the presidential candidates or Gandhi or something, but I just can't help myself. I love young adult books and they have been talked about so much by people on the radio and people around me that I just had to check it out for myself even though I haven't picked up a book in who knows how many years. And of course now I can't seem to put them down. I'm sure I will probably be rereading them after I finish the first round. There are four books. I'm almost there. I'm just so attached to the characters and it excites me when something happens. I just love it and I didn't realize just how much I missed reading. Getting lost in it all, I always put my all into it.

9/11

I try not to think about it too much. It literally happened right across the river from me. I was at school still sleeping when someone came in and told me and sure enough I didn't believe it. That is until I turned the TV on and people came running in telling me they could see it from the parking deck across the street. Tragedy. They were talking about it on the radio and I couldn't believe that even still after 7 years I started crying like a baby. All the pictures flooding back into my head. Then I come to work and two of the ladies are like it's enough already, give it a break. It's been so long let it go. Like hello that was a serious serious thing that happened during our lifetime. Something I hope to never experience again of course. But it's something I will never forget even when I look at the clock and it just happens to be 9:11 I always think about it. When you see trucks passing by with memorials on them. It's just a way of life now. It will always be at the back of our minds even more so for us over here on the east coast across the river in New Jersey where everyone could witness it firsthand without the dangers. Knowing people who could have/might have been/would have been there at that moment and what could have/did/might have happened to them. It's just a hard realization of reality that I don't wish on anyone. All my prayers go out to everyone who's lives were touched by this travesty. (and to the ladies at work who don't read this anyway .. it's OK to say every one's name every fucking year if they want to. I bet if it was your family you would only want the same thing, remembrance. That's all they are looking for. Shame on you for thinking people should get over it. People are still not and will not ever be over it. Ever.)

Waiting ...

I hate waiting up for Kirk to come home, cause in the morning I always regret it. But that's the only time I see him during the week. I think I get an average of 4 maybe 5 hours of sleep a day. Maybe a little more on the weekend but not that much. I'm constantly tired. Always falling asleep at my desk or worse while I'm driving. It's just not a good thing. I think tonight (I say this to myself every day mind you) I will go to sleep early and get enough rest. Right now I'm beyond tired and just want to go to my bed grab my covers and wrap myself all warm and cozy and sleep. Just sleep.

Boredom

I'm dying someone please come save me...
I can't keep my eyes open it's really really really hard

I don't hate him

LOL, you know I really do rant a lot here but that's what this blog is for so of course you hear all the bad stuff but never any of the good stuff. Saturday I was really upset not because of him (even though he had a bit to do with it since he wasn't watching Isabella) I was mad because I had to work from like 10-10pm it was just too much and i was frustrated and just really wanted to finish the work and get it done and over with. It was to the point that I even told my ex coworker that she has to give me a break for a while because she always seems to pick holiday weekends when I should be spending time with my family and not time doing the work that she should be doing. Anyways the next day me and Kirk went out ALONE. Which is something we haven't done in a very very very long time. No one offers to babysit anymore (she's at the terrible two stage) so it's hard and we just get added stress over and over again with no break. We take breaks but never together, but on Sunday we went out together. We went to the beach, saw a few mins of the movie playing on the beach and we had a couple drinks, then walked around and tried to win games in the arcade. it was fun, we were happy, and everything was perfect. we had a great time.

thats the proof LOL. it was fun we had a good time. I can't wait to do it again but I dont want to abuse and make other people watch her you know. the next time we are spending time together alone is when he goes and gets the surgery on his eye. which is on the 19th. I'm hoping someone will let me borrow "Twilight" so I have something to do while I wait to hear his surgery went well.