Julia & Julia

Watching this and it just made me want to go and blog - about what I don't know. I wish I had enough inspiration for me to do a blog like that. How amazing would that be to cook your way through a whole book but honestly think about it that has to be super expensive think of all the food you would have to buy. right now i have a massive headache i'm 4.5 months pregnant and tired. ready to go home. our holiday party was yesterday - it was nice. um lemme finish watching this movie lol.

today is ...

going to be one of those days. i already feel super emotional and could probably start crying at the drop of a hat. it's going to be a very very long day.

Horrible

today i feel horrible, ugly, tired and just want to crawl under a rock and disappear. I went pumpkin picking yesterday. took a picture of myself and when i was downloading them onto my computer i saw the picture i took of myself and i looked horrible, i looked tired i looked just bad bad bad. now im feeling blah

it's been forever

right now I'm irritated and extremely bored i have absolutely nothing to do and the only thing i really want to do is go home and go to sleep. i hate being so tired all the time it's really not fun especially when you have stuff to do at home.

blugh

I'm literally falling asleep at work and the only thing i wish i had was a bed next to me, i'm so freaking tired and bored i have absolutely nothing to do at all. it's quite sad really. why are we so slow? i have no clue i just don't want to hear that it's cause of the economy anymore fuck the economy. i just dont want to lose my job cause i need it especially with a bun in the oven. anywho i'm ready to go home but i still have half an hour i've been playing games online all day practically. sad i tell ya just plain old sad.

sad

Why am I attracted to the dumbest men ever, the incosiderate, the broke, the untalented, the sometimes not worthy. I don't really know, all I know is that he just doesn't thinks ometimes and sometimes makes me regret ever meeting him. i wonder how my life would be if that never happened. maybe i'd be happier than i am right now.

i want someone to want this of me

picture found at http://www.abeautifulrevolution.com

sometimes

do you wish you were with someone else like you see someone on the street that is super hot or something and just wish you could be with them. seriously sometimes i just want to be with someone else i dont know why i get these feelings i just do. it's not that i don't love the person i'm with cause i do, really i do, but sometimes i just want a little bit more. did i make the right choice? i'm sure i did and even if i didn't he is good to me and that's where it really matters, right.

Sleep

Something i dont' get much of - and let me tell you there are days that i wonder how i make it home ... right now it's 2:34 and i'm falling asleep at my desk ... literally

job - hate

I FUCKIN HATE MY JOB - WHERE DOES SOMEONE GET THE FUCKIN COJONES TO TELL THE CUSTOMER THAT I FUCKED UP? I DID WHAT I WAS TOLD TO DO IF THE TRUCKER COULDN'T MAKE IT HAPPEN IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT.
i hate my job - if i knew "his" car i would fuckin key it if i knew i wouldn't get caught.

4 more days until ...

I go on my VA trip - and five days until i turn 30 which i think i did a list of things i wanted to do before then yeah i doubt i did many if any of those ahhahaha.

talking to exes ... and he's just not that into you

Is it cheating if your dating someone, and you text/IM other men?

Is it wrong to talk to exes?

What am I doing - at one point the guilt felt just too much for me this weekend LOL. we had a really great weekend, i have a really great guy so why do i feel the need to go out and look for others? i have never cheated on my current bf (i've cheated on ever bf i've ever had except the very short relationships cause duh they were too short). We've been together almost four years now the only different thing about this relationship in regards to the other ones is that we have a child and we live together. And don't get me wrong, i'm totally happy with him. Sure there was a few weeks there where things were really tough with me emotionally and i was just drained completely that's when i was really contemplating wandering. i'm just not used to the same person for so long, sometimes you just want something different you know what i mean.

I know i probably wouldn't do anything with anyone but still sometimes you just wonder.

Last night I saw "he's just not that into you". And I totally get the review with women start from when they are little to believe if a man treats you bad then he likes you etc etc and ends with the same false hope thinking that you are the exception to the rule. But you know what WHO CARES, the movie was great. I loved everyone's story lines. They had a little bit of everyone or someone you know in the story. the girl who finds guys online, the married couple, the couple that have been together forever but are not married, the couple who act like one but aren't one because the girl doesn't want to settle, and of course my fav the girl who wants the fantasy and goes about it in a psycho way and the boy who uses women and in the end realizes that he loves the psycho. I LOVED THIS MOVIE!!!!!!! i don't care about reality stuff when i see a movie i see it as a movie and nothing more but i literally watched it two times yesterday and was sad to see it go in the mail this morning. i really want that movie in my collection i could watch justin long and ben affleck all day and night long. Seriously. i want the movie and i want the book and i told my bf that last night. my bday is next saturday let's see if he comes through LOL. probably not hahaha.

work

if it was fun then they wouldn't call it work
i fuckin hate my job
i hate every single person here at times (except maybe two people)
they are so fucking fake fake fake
i fuckin hate my job
you piss me off on a daily basis
soon im not going to answer ur calls anymore
i want you to be assigned to someone else
you annoy and irritate me
i fuckin hate my job!!!

Surprise ... or not

So my family sucks at surprises they just dont know it. my birthday is coming up and it's the big 3-0. well i'm pretty sure they are planning a party which is funny because that's what i did for my mom and now she's doing it to me. except i was better at it because she had no idea literally until we pulled up to the house. me i can hear them whispering and it's not good, my mom is a really loud person so she's bad at keeping secrets i hear her on the phone with her friend she's like hold on let me walk back here so cathy can't hear about the party WTF i just heard you say that .. LOL so i get up from my chair and close the door to my room so i literally do not hear anything else because if it's a surprise then shit i want it to be a real surprise you know. so i'm trying really really hard to ignore everyone when the issue comes up because i know they want it to be a surprise lol.

...

I think I'm depressed.

Dream - MF

I haven't dreamed about you in years ... literally. So I was pleasantly surprised to see you in my dreams again being a love interest and you will definitely always be the one that got away but I'm sure that happened for a reason.

I was in this house which I'm assuming was mine or which I was staying at and I went into this room looking for someone and there you were laying on the bed watching TV. So I sit on the bed and we just talked and flirted really. Touched hands that kinda thing then something happened and I had to leave to see what it was. I ran out and it almost seemed like the world was ending or something I have no clue but I went back and you were in the living room watching TV. Sitting on the couch, I went over to you and then my alarm woke me up.

So there was nothing sexually involved per say but there were thoughts of sexuality. This is a guy that if I were about to get married and had a chance for that one last fling, he would be it. Well it's between him and someone else lol. Either way it's just someone I've wanted since I was like 12. Why do people pop in to your mind at the weirdest times. I wasn't or haven't even thought about him in forever but he shows up in my dream like a reminder of something that I could have had but didn't because I was too afraid to give into it. Maybe that's why I had that dream, who knows I'm no dream expert that's for sure. But it was nice to see him there and now he's all I'm thinking about this morning, duh. Hugs and Kisses to you wherever you are even though i know you are probably only 30 mins away from me right at this moment. Maybe you're sleeping in bed (I'm sure not alone since you are never alone).

wednesday

so yesterday i had two root canals and the beginning of a bridge done, on top of that i'm sick too. this morning i took four advils, 2 sudafeds and 1 amoxicillan ... what a healthy breakfast that was LOL. i'm going to post pictures later today after i upload them cause i haven't done so yet of our Easter. my daughter had a blast doing the easter egg hunt and surprise my cousin came over for the day (from Florida). It was good but i think being outside is what got me sick. great. so look for pictures later.

xoxo
cat

OMG Good Friday

I'm f'n bored. seriously bored. unbelievably bored. there is no work to do no one is at work everyone is off of work and i'm stuck here sitting at my desk doing nothing when the only real thing to do is file and who the f wants to file like ever. i got enough papercuts and scratches from filing yesterday. it's annoying i wanna go home this is BULLSHIT.

Don't read if easily disgusted

hahaha i share because i can ...

so i'm having the worst cramps ever, i feel like i have a waterfall between my legs and it's just plain old painful and disgusting and all i want to do i go lay down in the fetal position and cry. i haven't felt like this in soooooooo long i don't even remember the last time.

here is my theory as to why this is happening:

i have been on the pill since i had my daughter she is about to be 3. so you figure 3 years of almost non-existent very light (dark colored) periods right. so my theory is that because of the pill it builds it extra protection against the lining on the walls it kills it or whatever (this is just me i'm no doctor expert so if i'm wrong i'm wrong) this way the sperm doesn't swim up and try and attack my egg because it has all this lining that it doesn't make it there. like super spermicide attack of the killer wall lining haha. anyway so my point is that now that i'm not on the pill the wall is growing and regaining it's strength and in that it's starting to come down how it should normally completely red and heavy pieces of tissue and it's disgusting when you go to the bathroom and no i wasn't pooin or peein but you sit down and you know you feel all heavy and then plop goes the tissue in the toilet hahaha. nasty right. so now that the lining on the walls are comin down properly now his sperm can swim happily to my egg and begin to hibernate into a baby hahaha.

sorry if i grossed you out but i warned you!

( . )

i haven't written in here since december, how sad is that. can you believe it's already April. I'm just super emotional and just stressed out today. I got my . that's always a plus. But more than that it's just i feel like i'm being pulled in all types of directions and all i want to do is hide under a rock. if i could find out that would be comfortable.

work - i'm doing work for this chick that is on maternity leave (i am only one person and i dont know her brand that well ppl please give me a fucking break), it's no fun doing the job of two ppl and only get paid for one. and on top of that not getting recognized for it only being told to do more do more do more. fuck i'm only human give me a break please. i'm tired...

home - i almost feel like i'm not really spending time with my daughter so i'm starting to feel guilty about that. my bf is not working right now which is fine but sometimes i wish i didn't have to do it all myself you know. and did i mention i got my . which isn't the best news but hey it's only been a month of trying so you can't expect a miracle right?

I'm just not feeling myself right now, i'm just so damn tired of all the BS that has to do with life and work mainly. i wake up in the morning and i don't want to get out of bed because i know i have to go to work. i get to work and say i dont want to get out of my car, for what. i sit at my desk and say i don't want to do this anymore. there's just something about this place that is so depressing sometimes. why can't i be a trust fund baby lol.