new job ranting

- it sucks to have a new job because you don't know anyone and on top of not knowing anyone you don't know what the hell to do. That is unless you've been in the business for a couple years and you have a relative idea of what to do but then what sucks is the new people who hired you almost think of you as not knowing shit because you haven't worked for them before and therefore the beginning days are super slow. but it's been (this is my third week) a while now i mean get me out there and doing things already i'm fucking bored sitting here pretending to do something so i dont look like a retard twidling my thumbs. I just want a little trust and let me try and do things other than sittin on my ass gettin paid to do nothing which would be fine if it wasn't so quiet (no music) if i could openly and freely look online (internet policy) or if i had someone to talk to all damn day. but nope none of those things i'm secretly going online trying to hide it as best as i could but my CUBICLE is in a bad spot too many freaking eyes

Another dream

So last night I had another dream about you and your sister. I don’t know what it is or why you are in my subconscious but obviously you’re hitting it hard. OMG and one of the guys from Gossip Girl was in my dream too. I don’t know what’s going on with that mind of mine. So I was in school running through the hallways apparently hiding from something or someone and I would go into random classrooms and pretend I was in it and the teachers wouldn’t even notice. Then one time I finally got out of the building with whatever I was taking in my hands and I ran into Chuck Bass (from Gossip Girl) and he carefully took what was in my hands went up to the front door because it had whipped open at that moment but I couldn’t see who had came out but Chuck had spoken to whoever it was and he got to keep the stuff in his hands he came back to the car and gave it back to me and said to be careful and something else in a deep sultry sexy kind of voice ha ha. Whatever he did made me think of him the rest of the dream. So I finally get home and my friend and her brother are visiting. (again another dream with them in it). We were doing something partying or drinking and just hanging out for old times sakes and I don’t remember if anything happened after that. But it left me wanting more of her brother whatever it was. Strange I know. I’m not even thinking about these people and they keep dropping in on my dreams. I’m going to have to whip out the dream dictionary online lol.

bathroom?

Last night I had a dream that I was in Santo Domingo (Dominican Republic and Kirk was there and Erik and I think even my cousin Mabel was there. But the kicker was so was my ex boyfriend Jose who lives there now. That’s who was there now this is what was happening. We were at the airport me, Erik, Mabel and Kirk waiting for a flight to take us somewhere else in DR. (Strange I know it was a strange airport too). I had left to go visit Jose. (the dream is in several parts from what I remember) I was at his house looking for him and finally found him in a back room somewhere almost hiding like lol and said oh I didn’t think I was going to find you here but I did. So he was going to take all of us out to dinner or something in a different place I think that’s why we went to the airport and were all waiting. I had to go to the bathroom and there was this weird bathrooms with two toilets (and no it wasn’t a bode it was literally two toilets in one stall I guess we had to share or something). Any who I kept trying to go and I just couldn’t for the life of me but I had to go so bad I could feel it but nothing was coming out so I left. Next thing you know I’m on a motorcycle trying to follow José to wherever it is he’s taking us. And a policeman stops me and I’m like huh. I’m lost can you help me. We exchanged something I don’t even know what and he let me go and I kept trying to find a bathroom. Finally I woke up and realized my bladder was hurting me I really did have to go to the bathroom ha ha. So I went and tried to go back to my dream but you know that rarely happens. I wonder if me having to go to the bathroom is the reason for me having so many damn bathroom dreams. My subconscious is trying to tell me to wake up and go before you explode.

Dream

Last night I had a dream about you. I was staying at a hotel somewhere visiting from somewhere else. I remember that because I saw a coke machine in the hallway. Strange I know I must have been thirsty. So I went to visit your sister. Hoping I would see you there, but I had just missed you. I had told your sister where I was staying and I guess she told you too because next thing I know you're knocking at my door. And you walking into the room sitting in the chair all I can think of is how much I used to like you when we were young. It's unbelievable how time has changed us, how things could be so different. How not close we are anymore. We sit and talk and chat about life in general and everything else seems to disappear. It's as if we are the only ones who exist in this world. It's such a magical feeling that I miss. The nerves, the butterflies, the magicalness in the air it's strange and beautiful. I walk you to the door to say goodnight you put your hand on my face in that soft way that you see in movies. We look into each other's eyes and we just look for a few minutes. We give each other a really strong hug. After you leave I start searching for you, this is when I see the coke machine so I know where I'm at. And I'm wandering the streets, just looking everywhere. I don't know what it is but I just woke up and I wanted it to continue I wanted to see what would happen next. I knew we had a connection, in my mind we will probably always have a connection but nothing will ever come of it. We've made separate lives. Perhaps if I had answered differently that one day that you asked me if I felt something for you, if I would have said yes our lives would have been so different. But the would have should have could have and did nots is all we have now. I wonder if you feel the same way sometimes. I saw you the other day (not literally the other day more like the other month a while ago). You were single, I'm not. And we digress. I really wanted to try so hard to go back to sleep, but it just wasn't happening. I don't know why you popped into my mind but you did. Strange what we dream of, they say it's what's on you're mind or what's going on. But I wasn't even remotely thinking of you as far as I know, but obviously I must have been lol. Time will tell if our paths shall cross again, if not in reality then at least in a dream state. I almost sent you a message to tell you I had a dream but then I thought hmm how many women must tell you that lol. Any who enough of this gibberish, I'll see you in my dreams.

mental breakdown

Today I had a mental breakdown at target, seriously I had to fight back the tears. I was just so angry and so tired. I don't understand why men are so damn selfish. We go to the store so that I can buy pampers and stuff (me not him, he never buys shit unless it's for him selfish selfish selfish). well he disappears and I'm left with an almost 2 year old (yes those terrible twos are not a myth). In the cart out the cart push the cart hold me in the air so i can push from the top sit in the cart sit in the basket part i want to walk ... this was me trying to shop today while he disappeared i was so mad that i just wanted to leave. i was literally ready to leave him there and just go home i didn't want to deal with it anymore. so finally he finds me and we leave and that's when the breakdown started i couldn't stop crying the whole ride home. Mind you this is all happening while I'M driving (cause he never fuckin drives) and my mom and uncle are in the backseat witnessing my breakdown. later when we get home my mom tells me remember you can't count on a man to take care of a child because they are too selfish. which is exactly my problem he is too selfish. i wake up around 630 during the week and 730 on the weekend, he wakes up at 9 during the week and 10 on the weekend, but we both go to sleep at the same time. i'm fuckin drained and tired and i need a fucking break too what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!! why are men so fuckin selfish and yes the MAJORITY of you are.

.'s

I hate them ... you're so happy that you got it but then when you get it you're like ughh i have it and i feel crappy i just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing. Or stay in the shower and be clean clean clean LOL. They always say be careful what you wish for that when you get it you might not want it. Not that I was worried that I wasn't going to get it but I'm just generalizing it you know.